On Love

Love is such a broad topic. I think it is the most energetic force in the universe. The opposite of love is fear. This love is a greater love than we can fully grasp. Pure love is one without judgment, without conditions, and without motive. Love encompasses respect and compassion but it is the greater element. To love someone is to truly accept them as they are. This applies to self-love as well. Truly accept yourself as you are. Offer love and acceptance and forgiveness to every part of yourself. It is necessary to do this first to a great extent before you give out love to others.

Love is also about change. Love will always offer a better way of doing something or a way of being in exchange for one that is not working. Love encourages us to the greatest arena of our imagination and life. It encourages everyone equally. It offers acceptance equally. As you open to "Love" it begins to fill your whole being. Then it begins to fill your whole sphere of influence; your friends, your family, your students, your associates, the people that you encounter. One person or creature offering out pure love begins an overflow of energy that can affect the whole world, and the whole universe. It doesn't sound possible but love is such a big force that wave after wave of love can affect great change starting with you.

Love transforms fear, which contain all the elements that vibrate at low frequencies; fear, terror, anger, hatred, rage, envy, jealousy, grief, sadness, hostility, disrespect, disgust, and alienation. Love heals. It takes away the hurt and transforms any residual that remains. Love purifies everything that it touches. But once it comes in it never leaves you nor forsakes you. It continues to purify to the highest vibration possible. It affects change because it purifies so deeply, and so completely. It is capable of touching every area of your life and others. Love does not force. Love just keeps loving. With love great joy is allowed to come in.

If you don't feel that you have love in your life, start offering love first to yourself. Offer yourself to love. Let it have every thought, every hurt, every dark, bad moment. It will receive everything that you give it without condemnation and offer great compassion.

Next allow the people that come to offer kindness, and compassion to touch you. Let them hug you. Hear their words. Let words of love come into your thoughts without rejecting them. Change any thinking that has been telling you that you are unworthy of love or kindness. Begin to receive the small shows of affection. The hugs, the smiles, the gentle touches. Children offer unconditional love. They are usually happy to offer you hugs and affection. Animals are a good source of affection and love.

Volunteering is a very good way to extend love out. Practice kindness. Imagine how past kindly loving guides would love them. How would Jesus love this person? What would he think about them? What would he say to them? How would he feel about this person or about me? How would Gandhi act in this situation? How would Mother Teresa behave towards them?

If you have not read about the lives of these great kindly beings, read everything that you can. The New Testament in the bible Specifically John is a great place to start. Gandhi The Man is very good book. As is The Celestine Prophecy series, Conversations With God series.

If you are open to it strangers may surprise you with an act of kindness and love. Very often spontaneous moments offer great warmth and love. Do not reject this. Many times we are afraid of the other and do not offer affection to someone that is hurting. One way to receive more love is to reach out to someone who is hurting. A stranger or an acquaintance could greatly use kindness and love from you. In that moment there is a great exchange of love. You have acted as an instrument of love.

Praying about love and asking how to be a more loving person can give you great comfort and insight. Examples will be shown to you. Moments will be open to you in which you can choose to give love and to receive it. The more times that you embrace those moments in a loving manner, you will begin to open to the subtlety of love. Acts of loving come in the small quiet places to the great big dramatic moments. Each time if you pray and meditate in your heart and ask how would "love" react here you will receive insight as to how you could act to express love.

It is not always easy especially when you are dealing with a person who is cranky, grouchy, unjust or nasty. You have to look beyond the criticism, beyond their unpleasantness and see that more often than not they are afraid. Perhaps that person has gotten to this moment of crankiness, and being mean or controlling because they learned that behavior. They don't know how to be nice. Or they have been hurt so many times that they have forgotten how to drop their defenses. They are stuck. You can help them by accepting them as they are. Offering love and kindness in spite of how they behave.

Love is a slow, patient energy. It does not win by attacking. It does not force. It remains consistent whether it is night or day, a good mood or a bad mood, acceptable behavior or unacceptable behavior.

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Finding More Love in Your Life

After observing the riots in the Middle East and seeing the anger of Muslims over a cartoon of Muhammed, it prompted me to write this article.

Having seen all of that hate expressed over this cartoon also reminded me that hatred is never the path to true peace and happiness.

Since religion is supposed to make us better people, I have to ask the Muslim world, how can all of that hatred make me a better person?

As a Christian, the very linch pin of my faith is the idea of love. I'm not talking about the kind of love you see in the movies. That's lust.

I'm talking about the kind of love that changes the world and makes it a better place to live. The kind of love that heals, that makes us want to be better human beings. The kind of love that would make the Good Samaritan want to stop on the side of the road and help a man he didn't know simply because the man was in need.

The Bible teaches us that God is love (1 John 4:118). Jesus said that the greatest commandments were to love God, and then love our neighbor AS ourselves (Mark 12:28-31). This means that a crucial part of loving others involves loving ourselves so that we can love others.

However, he never explained what real love was in this passage. What is real love?

1 Corinthians 13 gives us an explanation. In verses four through eight, it explains what real love is: patient and kind, without envy, arrogance or rudeness, and it seeks the truth.

These values are old fashioned. We live in a society where people do evil things and then claim they made a mistake. That they shouldn't suffer the consequences because what they did was a joke, they weren't in their right minds, or any other myriad of excuses.

We live in a world where a cartoon causes more anger, and a deeper call for justice, than the deaths of millions over religious fervor.

Yet, what, as Christians, can we do? So why is it so hard for us to love? Why should we love our enemies? Why should we love people who may, at the very core of their existence, be evil?
The lack of the ability to love comes from being hurt. From holding onto our hurts and our pain. To carrying around the burden of our sin. There are many other reasons, but these are the most obvious and basic.

The path to learning to love others comes from learning to be whole. To heal. To find freedom from our sin. To let go of the pain, grudges, and hurts of the past. By letting go of these things, we become free. This is the kind of freedom Jesus offered us, a kind of freedom that isn't available in any other religion.

Although other religions are bound by rulese, Christianity really isn't. The enduring concept of Christianity is grace. Grace is an undeserved gift, the love and favor of God. If he can love us even when we dont deserved to be loved, how can we not love others?

I believe that only free people can truly love. Although there are many reasons that I chose to become a Christian, one of the main reasons was that Christianity offered a freedom, and a peace, that no other religion offered. With that freedom and peace comes a price though: it puts us in conflict with the world and the values of the world.

Another reason that it is hard for us to love others we don't want to love is that it requires sacrifice. Sacrifice is an alien concept in our society today because it means putting the needs of others ahead of our own. It means paying a high price because we aren't gratifying our own ego.

We also requires us to give up our preconceived notions and judgements of others. It requires that we care for those who may have unjustly wronged us because of their own selfish motives. What we don't often understand is that loving others isn't about who they are; it's about who we are.

I believe that love is the most powerful force in the universe. I believe that love has the power to change the world that we live in. Love is the solution to the problems of the world.

Love is what gives us the capacity to truly change the world and make it a better place to live in. I'm sure that this sounds simplistic, but it's the only force powerful enough to cure what truly ails us as human beings.

You may say, "but I'm only one person". It doesn't matter. It only takes one person to make the world a better place. Apply the principle of love in your life, and you will watch your whole life change, your whole world change. This is how true change begins, at an individual level.

Maybe you're saying, "but what will others think of me?" When you truly love others, it really doesn't matter what they think. The question now becomes, "how can I love others more"? Again, it's the path to freedom.

If you haven't gotten everything out of your faith in Christ you thought you'd receive when you became a Christian, maybe it's time for a change. Christianity isn't a religion anyway; it's a way of life. It calls us to a different standard than that of the world, a standard that would make the world a better place if we only lived by it.

If your life isn't all it should be today, try applying more love to it. After all, love is the only true path to lasting peace and happiness.

If you want more success in business, in your relationships, and in your life, try applying love to the situation. As you change, your world will change forever. For the better.

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How To Keep His Love Forever

Love can be fleeting. That fact alone is disheartening when you meet and fall in love with a man. Finding someone that you truly adore is rare and naturally you want to do whatever you can to ensure that he'll stay in love with you. All around us it seems that so many relationships are falling by the wayside. If there's anything you can do to secure the love you two share, you want to do it, right? Learning how to keep his love forever will help you to keep the passion alive and keep him devoted solely and completely to you.

Understanding how to keep his love forever starts with recognizing the need to be spontaneous, always. There's a certain urgency that comes with having a new and exciting relationship. You want to experience everything you possibly can with that person and so you're more apt to want to do spur of the moment things. Men love women like this. They enjoy being with someone who takes the lead in the relationship and makes plans. Always try to keep this part of you alive and thriving. Surprise him as often as you can and show him that you're always ready to go on any adventure, as long as he's part of it. He'll love this because it will keep him on his toes and it keeps the relationship fresh and unpredictable.

Never lose yourself as you become more immersed in the relationship with the man you love. So many women do this and they don't fully understand how it changes the dynamic they share with their man. He fell in love with you even though you had a busy, chaotic life. Men love feeling as though they are with someone who is vibrant and dynamic. He loves hearing about everything you have going on. It makes him proud of you. Don't move your life around to accommodate any man, ever. They don't appreciate it for what it is and they don't find it appealing. Your man wants you to have the life you want and need and that includes spending time with him. He doesn't want you to give up everything in your life for him. That puts a very heavy and unwanted weight on his shoulders.

Learning how to keep his love forever has to include understanding that being yourself, always, is crucial. Don't try to impress him by pretending to be something you're not. Men see through this very quickly and it kills any attraction that was there. He wants you to embrace your flaws and shortcomings. He loves those things about you. Men find them quirky and cute. Never apologize for anything about yourself, be it a couple of extra pounds or the fact that you don't yet have the job of your dreams. If you love yourself, he'll continue to love you too.

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The Internet & Online Dating Sites - the Good and the Bad

 
 

Today's singles and most people, generally speaking, are very lucky with the online choices they have compared to 10 or 20 years ago given the options the internet now offers them. 20 years ago there were far less online options than are available now days. Mobile phones are a good example of how far the internet has progressed in recent years. Several decades ago paging services or cb radios were the fastest way to contact someone when they were not at home. Today though, mobiles are used to carry out several non related functions, the actual mobile itself is just one of many features. Mobiles can be used as a video camera, surfing the internet, gps device and online dating. That right online dating.....will technology ever slow down ? I doubt it! Today's singles can experience online dating not only from their pc and laptop but also from their mobile meaning they can organize a date 24/7 anywhere, anytime.

Another excellent advantage online dating has is the capability for singles to get right down to business and sift through the thousands member profiles until someone catches their eye. No need to feel guilty by having to tell your new internet friend your not interested, you simply move onto the next profile. Chat rooms commonly provide singles another fantastic way of communicating with other singles and still allows you an easy out if need be.

No need to spend money or even dress up to go internet dating. Some dating sites offer free online dating its just a matter of searching through the many dating sites on the internet to find them, so locating the ultimate in happiness doesn't even need to cost you one single cent. Cancel your hairdressers appointment, for the females that is, not that its not okay for the males to book in at the hairdressers although if you are a guy who's just signed up to an online dating site, admitting to booking in for a new hair do may not sit all that well with the girls you chat to online. Forget the make up and after shave, online dating gives you the chance to win over your next date with just your personality alone via the chat rooms.

Short of time? Does your job hold you back from getting out and socializing? Search for like minded singles in the chat rooms or via the member data base in a matter of minutes, fire off emails and chat invitations to those you find attractive, then simply go back to your normal daily routine. Check back online during the day or several days later and you may have a nice surprise waiting for you in your messages.

The bad.

Some singles can become too reliant on using online dating sites and can end up socially separated from real life social possibilities. For those who fall into this category should be careful that you don't lose important social skills by relying on online dating services too often. Use it but try not to abuse it. Like anything in life, participate in online dating, but in moderation.

Singles interviewed in studies conducted by Professor Parnizky from Macintosh University who claim to being addicted to online dating said that their first thought was to log on to a dating site in search of love, rather than to venture out offline to put themselves in a situation where they could possibly meet with other singles in the offline world. These same singles mainly indicated that they felt they were losing and had all but lost touch with finding a romantic partner conventionally.

A regular complaint online dating members spoke of was that when they met their online dating friend in person, certain physical features were some what different to what was stated on their member profile. Their photos were not current, or were taken in a studio or sometimes wasn't even them.

For those thinking about online dating, don't get too hung up with this dating option and use these services to your advantage but don't over do it. Treat it as some fun and don't have alot of expectations, this is the best way to approach online dating and you just never know what you may find.     

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Love and Relationships

Are you in a committed healthy romantic relationship that's very good for not only you, but equally for the person you love. Love and relationships are to become made for ever, not only a few days. Take a look into getting your life much more enjoyable and purposeful by realizing how to act when it comes to those you care most for.

The greatest thing to do in a romantic relationship is to care for the other person´s needs ahead of your own. Being selfless is the core of what love is all about. If you're having issues with selfishness you need to deal with them successfully ahead of coming into a marriage or other serious personal relationship. Why pull another individual into your issues? In the event you really desire to help them, you'll need to put them before yourself. This suggests sacrifice. Selfish individuals aren't prepared to make sacrifices for other people. If you're this way, save the individual you claim to adore the painfulness of finding out.

An additional significant factor of love and relationships will be the neglected virtue of commitment. Society tends to make it difficult for a guy and a lady to maintain the dedication of holy matrimony. Within the United states of america one is actually compelled to fork out much more taxes should you be married than should you just stay together. But what does "staying together" tell society? It tells the world you desire the pleasures and advantages of matrimony with no dedication. Again, this really is selfish. Don't forget; love isn't self-centered. Do the right thing. In case you genuinely would like to live for a partner, make an open public commitment of holy matrimony and get the advantages of a clear conscience as well.

For anyone who is seeking to become married to end your being lonely, this is a self-centered reason. Are you going into a marriage to help make yourself happier? How many individuals are doing this very thing and rendering their lives and the lives of others unpleasant during the process? Love and relationships are created to be mutually satisfying to both persons. If one side starts to have unrealistic expectations, it could be a ticking time bomb of feelings. What will happen when both parties have unrealistic expectations? This really is a formula for failure. When coming into critical personal romantic relationships, it can be very good to have wide open communication channels. You ought to discuss all the expectations you might have plus the other half must do likewise. The word "all" is emphasized in that previous sentence. Money, sex, the long term, kids and any other important topic should be brought out in to the discussion and frankly pointed out. Getting transparent and sincere may be the greatest policy in romance.

Love and relationships are to be held in high esteem when they're seen within the bonds of marriage. This partnership will be the bonding fabric of humankind. In case you mess it up, you aren't doing anybody a favour. About three of five marriages in the Usa are faltering, according to available data. Do not be a contributor of this break down of the social structure.

In case you are not one to keep your word, especially in marriage, it's best to keep out of the romantic relationship. Get your life in order. Grow to be the person that others can model their existence around. Later on, enter into a meaningful romantic relationship that makes the other person the object of importance. Be selfless and become happy.

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Why Real Love Requries Honesty

Recently, I picked up a great book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Overall, I love the book except one part of it gave me pause and made me reflect. It was in the chapter about “Why Men Cheat” on their wives, girlfriends, etc. Harvey’s basic answers are: 1) They Can. 2) They Think They Can Get Away With It. 3) He Hasn’t Become Who He Wants and Needs to Be or Found Who He Truly Wants. 4) What’s Happening at Home Isn’t Happening Like it Used To. 5) There’s Always a Woman Out There Willing to Cheat With Him. And, ultimately he explains the man hasn’t got his priorities straight especially in having a real and meaningful spiritual practice in his life.

Ok. So far, so good. And, I also agree with what Harvey says regarding why a man is able to get away with his cheating and lying behavior with the women he is with. One reason this happens Harvey explains (using my paraphraze of what he says not his exact words now) is because any woman he is with hasn’t set high enough standards in her life to respect and love herself enough to see what is going on right in front of her and take a stand about it. She basically colludes in the notion that denial is good for you. After all, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.” And, since her denial lets him get away with what he wants to, he is happy to join in on the denial party with her. But, denial is not good for you and it feeds one of my four major love myths I discuss in my Attracting Real Love course — love is blind. Wrong! Real love actually requires 20 - 20 vision because you only know how to really love yourself and others when you are seeing what you need to see clearly.

Which is why when I read this in Harvey’s book I decided I couldn’t disagree more. He says if a woman starts to catch on to a man’s cheating and lying behavior and starts to ask questions a man is going to just do more of his lying and denying game. Why? Harvey says men will do this “if we care about you. But, if not — if a man doesn’t see you fitting into his life plan — he won’t even bother with all of the covering up.” WHOA!!! Come on, Steve! I know the rest of your book also says that a man who really loves a woman won’t cheat, but let’s clear this up right now! Le’t not make it seem like somebody is cheating and hiding the truth from someone out of love. No way, no how!

So, why do we really lie? Plain and simple We’re afraid. Period. Why are we afraid? We don’t love ourselves or the people around us enough to live in truth. And, real love requires the truth. Not some blunt rude make people feel stupid and horrible version of truth. But, truth nonetheless! And, if you want proof of who has the most loving relationships going on between them? Well, it’s between people who can live in truth completely. They love and respect each other so much they want to be honest with them. They care about not hurting them. They care about being loved and respected in return for who they are flaws and all. And, they want a partner who can hear the truth and help bring it all into the realm of consciousness in a loving way and heal any fear in the realm of love. That means the more a couple lies to each other, the more they actually are in fear of each other, which means love really isn’t very present at all.

Now, why do we refuse to live in truth? It’s simple. We are thinking more about ourselves and coming from our egos. We simply don’t want to have to face the consequences of what we are doing and be forced to change our hurtful behaviors. We don’t want to feel bad about ourselves by having to see clearly what is really going on. Or, to share another quote, We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams. In short, we are afraid to love and feed fear in our lives instead.

Ok, I don’t expect people to be perfect. But, try this on for size. Next time you catch yourself or other people telling lies ask yourself this, “What am I afraid of and how does this reflect a lack of love in myself or a lack of love regarding the people I am with?” Then, ask this, “What would it be like to love myself and others enough to be willing to take the scrape, instead of give one?”

Notice this as well. Despite what people say finding out the truth doesn’t hurt! What hurts is discovering how much there was a lack of love and how real love was replaced by deception and fear. Remember, real love heals it doesn’t hurt. And, though it may hurt to find out about lies, shedding them actually opens you up to attracting more real love in your life creating space for the rapture described in the main quote above — for yourself and the people around you.

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How to Get My Ex Back

Ex Girlfriend

Have you recently had a fight and you're now suffering because you lost your ex girlfriend? That simply means that you love her too much to let go just now, so what are you waiting for?

The question -- "How to get my ex girlfriend back" often arises in your mind and you should start looking for an answer that will guarantee your success to get your ex girlfriend back in your arms. Keep reading and I will tell you two strategies that can help you find the answer to "how to get my ex girlfriend back?".
Before we start with the two strategies, lets make few things clear in case you want to reunite with your gal - women are complex creatures, they are more emotional than us men and most of the times they are not clear about what and how they feel about a particular situation, in other words they can hardly make up their mind. Hence, trying to understand and analyze their moves would be a fatal error in case you want an answer to "how to get my ex girlfriend back?".
First Strategy.

Hide all your emotions and don't let her see that you're suffering. She will soon become curios to know why you being so calm and "not interested in her anymore". Give her a week or so -- don't let too much time to pass or you might end up losing her forever. Take your time to think about what went wrong in your relationship, you might as well go on a short vacation. She will soon find out that you're moving on with your life and become even more curios to know why you're acting this way. Trust me she will want to get back with you...
Second Strategy.

Approach her directly, be honest and clear while communicating your feelings. Look in her eyes whenever you talk to her. Your passion and love should be oozing out from your body language and words - and trust me it will work. Women are emotional, they forget and forgive. Learning how to get your ex girlfriend back isn't that easy and if you noticed the two strategies are opposite one to another, however they both work. There are several get ex back guides that will not only teach you basic information but step-by-step proven psychological tricks to get your love back in no time, all you need is to find a solid guide that contains the right information you need.

Ex Boyfriend

You would be surprised when one fine day your boyfriend would turn to you and say that he needs more space. I am sure that you would be more than surprised as per you the relationship would have been going fine with all guns blazing, this would be like a speed breaker for you.

There could be so many reasons that your boyfriend would end up saying these words and feeling this way. You never know, if you can handle this situation right and the next thing you will be thinking of will be - "how to get my ex boyfriend back" and you should find all the possible ways to do so if you are still in love with him.

There could be many ways to deal with the problem. Try to find some reasons of why he needs more space; or sneaking in like a detective to know if he has some other women in his life; he might not find you or the relationship as interesting as it used to be. Many people including your friends and family members can help you out after a breakup. Listen to what others have to say before you pursue to fix the problem and get your ex boyfriend back.

The best thing to do is what he is asking you to do. He has asked you to give him some space, and that's what you should do for a week or two. The more you would want to get into the details or why's and but's, the more helpless it is. Try to figure out why he needs space in the first place and why is that he doesn't want you anymore. (last but not least try to figure out if the relationship is worth saving) Let him think about what went wrong in your relationship, and he might soon come back to you, however you will definitely need patience.

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Friends with Benefits

Many people can only imagine having friends with benefits. How to define friends with benefits you could possibly ask? Well, friends with benefits are basically friends in which you are free to have unattached, guilt-free sex with. While for some people this may sound immoral or not right but to those who have relationships such as these will tell you that man and woman have needs that has to be filled. As long as these needs are filled with no love is made then being a friend with benefits is known as successful.

The ground rules for having friends with benefits is pretty simple, pinpoint the sex. That's it, pinpoint the sex and nothing else. Without inhibitions, the sex from these types of relationships usually are much better than most because of the lack of expectations from all parties. The best part with this is the fact one party cannot accuse another of simply using the other for purposes of sex, because that's the actual foundation the relationship to start with. Sex without any of the headaches of a normal romantic relationships could be pretty fun if you just keep to the ground rule of working on the sex and not developing any romantic attachment towards the other.

The concept of obtaining friends with benefits is also one of convenience. By convenience, I mean that if anytime you're feeling the impulse to accomplish the nasty, you won't have to get your game on by going to a bar or possibly a nightclub and experience the hassle of picking women up. All you have to do is give your friend a call, and when my hunch is proper, she might indulge you as long as you return the favor when she comes calling at three a.m. needing a quick fix.

The principle downside to this is when one party suddenly becomes territorial. One party easily forgets the boundaries within the relationship and starts to want something a lot more than being friends with benefits. A common situation is in the event the other party starts seeing someone on a much more serious level and the friend starts getting jealous feelings or fears of being left alone. Many a friendship has been destroyed by one party becoming too attached to the other. If you're the type that gets territorial, it's best to avoid getting friends with benefits from the get go.

Yet another thing to keep in mind if you choose to obtain a friend with benefits is the fact that to keep the relationship as secret as you possibly can. Even if the "Benefits" part are over and you choose to remain just friends and you enter into a significant relationship with another woman, your new partner will never trust you with your friend ever again. Women keep it within their mind if it has happened once before, it may and it will happen again even if you don't plan it.

Obviously, there are instances where being friends with benefits has graduated into something more serious which relationships are actually quite strong due to the trust as well as the friendship which has developed well before the romance part.

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Gold Roses - Your Lover Would Love It

If its about gifting a different gift to some one special, gift a Gold roses, as it's one of the beautiful gifts to give and receive. Roses and love has always been connected to each other, the red color rose love, but when I saw a gold plated rose during a session of window shopping with my friends, my opinion about love and red roses changed. If I ever fall in love I would give my lover a gold rose as it looks stunning and would love to see his smiling face.

The reason I feel Gold roses is more romantic than a red rose, is that it's a perfect combination of purity and love. Gold symbolizes purity and rose symbolizes love. So if you sincerely love someone gift them this precious gift. You would be happy to see their expressions of shock and bliss.
Gold roses can be given on the following occasions: · Anniversaries · Birthdays · Valentine's day · Or just when you want to express that you love and care.

As gold facilitates to transmit feelings of enhancing the uniqueness, superiority, and importance, that one person would mean in your life. It is also considered as a symbol of energy to rejoice, being related to sun. Sun's rays represent the upcoming success, and happiness. Likewise, gold avails to brighten up everything, and spread a feeling of, being happy to have.

If you wish to gift something that is everlasting just like your feelings for your partner, gift them these gold roses. Its not necessary to restrict your feelings to your partner.; one can also gift these gold roses to their loved ones like mom, dad, sisters or brothers or just to your best friends.
Nothing is more expensive than seeing your loved ones happy and proud to have been gifted with a gold rose. So to have those lovely looks and to see those million dollar smiles, you should for sure get a Gold roses for them.

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Love and Friendship - Are They Synonymous?

There are many ways that of looking at this very common question that folks raise; love and friendship: are they synonymous? The best answer to the present is that love and friendship aren't synonymous but friendship will result in love. It basically depends upon an individual's perception and how he sees a particular relationship specially that of friendship. There are many individuals preferring being friends with someone they love either to reach that level where they will show their love or if they notice out that the person is involved with somebody else. In either case, the concept of friendship is devastated.

A third person who witnesses somebody who is in love with a explicit woman and is enjoying friends together with her would immediately suppose that love and friendship are synonymous but the truth is something else. The reality here is that there is no friendship after all it is pure love disguised in the form of friendship.

Another concept that principally people have is that there will never be friendship in the opposite sexes and both of them falls for the opposite person or has an attraction for them. This concept is really true and is accepted widely by most. To perceive whether love and friendship are synonymous we generally tend to should recognize what exactly love is and what's friendship.

Love can be merely outlined as a table that stands on four legs which are trust, reliability, comfort level and connection. By association we tend to are pertaining to a non secular association that builds up between two individuals. If we tend to ponder over these four pillars we tend to will realize that 3 of them are gift in friendship as well. Trust, reliability and comfort level are there in friendships still but the non secular association is not. As soon as this religious affiliation is made and a person starts realizing that he cannot survive without his so called friend that's the time to appreciate that the friendship is now turning into love. This non secular affiliation is the fundamental essence of love and once it is fashioned it cannot be broken easily. Now, there are rarely people who understand this notion and for the foremost of them love is just a physical relationship with an individual they are snug with. For such folks, love and friendship might be synonymous.

A manner to differentiate between love and friendship?
It's quite easy to differentiate between love and friendship. If a person feels he or she is in love with someone they can strive being far from them for a whereas and see the results. If it's true love they'd realize themselves pining for every other however if it's just that they are nice friends and used to living with every other then it will not be a downside in moving on with their lives.

It's necessary to appreciate the distinction between love and friendship in order to create the correct decision. In teenagers, this phenomenon of not having the ability to differentiate between both the relationships is common. So it is the responsibility of the fogeys to form certain their teen goes the correct way.

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What's Romance?

What's Romance?
The first issue to travel in a very troubled relationship is sometimes romance. When couples patch their relationships together in therapy, one amongst the primary dilemmas that couples face is how to urge the romance back into their lives. They give the impression of being back nostalgically at the beginning of their relationship, a small amount sad at the impossibility of capturing the magic of their first meeting. Whereas this type of thinking will offer my shoppers with important clues concerning what made them excited and happy at the start of the relationship, these recollections rarely help the couple recapture the magic.

In keeping with Helen Fisher, a distinguished anthropologist, romance is the civilization of sex. Viewed from a cultural perspective, this is often probably true. This is probably why relationship books rarely go into abundant depth concerning the nature of romance. Sometimes, most authors discuss the requirement for love in an exceedingly marriage. This is sometimes followed with a discussion of seduction and foreplay. As most couples can tell you, sex isn't romance. But, most couples are exhausting pressed to tell you exactly what romance is.

As I mentioned before, nostalgically brooding about the method the couple behaved at the beginning of the link will provide important clues regarding the character of romance.
According to Dr. Fisher, couples can generally report romance is:

1) The excitement of discovering somebody new that you just love.
2) A mutual feeling of being special or primary in the opposite person's life.
3) A mutual feeling of being understood during a means that was different or a lot of special than in other relationships.
4) A bond that transcended traditional relationships.
4) Sexual excitement and novelty.

One or each partners in a very troubled relationship will complain that they can't possibly recreate the romantic feelings they had when their relationship was new. But, older, successful couples will report an improvement in the price of their relationship with their partner and an improvement in their sex lives over the years.

This is as a result of they acquire the trust that allows them to show each alternative and learn new things regarding what gives pleasure to their partner in their daily lives. Couples who aren't willing to learn what provides their partner pleasure and accommodate them tend to get stuck in their inability to be aware of the opposite partner's emotional requests. Relationships get stuck where there's an absence of trust and an unwillingness to become vulnerable in expressing one's needs. We tend to typically need to move beyond our comfort level to accommodate a partner. Think of it in these terms. Healthy couples who are romantic are ready to search out novelty in their own relationships.

As I discussed before, sex is simply one ingredient of the sensation of romance. And certainly, during a healthy relationship, sex is a vital element. Often, couples will become sexually bored and resentful because they are unwilling to speak their need for exploring new sexual territory. Often, sexual experimentation at intervals the context of a committed relationship can indeed provide the excitement and novelty that both partners seek. When the romance has drained out of a pair's life, one or each partners feel resentful or hurt. Proposing sexual exploration can often provoke feelings of bitterness or vulnerability, making sexual exploration too arduous a challenge for the couple. All too typically, before this aspect of the connection can be recovered, trust and respect have to be re-established first.

Therefore what's romance? If you have a look at the remaining four perceptions that describe the feeling of romance, we have a tendency to see that romance is the ability for both partners to communicate reciprocally their feelings of being mutually bonded and special to every other. Looking for the magic formula for love? Simply say these words to solid your spell: Darling, you're the foremost important thing in my life. Nothing else comes close. I don't care what else happens; we'll get through this together.

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Top Reasons Girls File For Divorce

Top Reasons Girls File For Divorce - They May Not Be What You Suppose
Divorce happens for several different reasons. Generally the couple both agree that divorce is the sole option. What's a a problem to a person may not be a problem to a girl, and vice-versa. Here are a number of the top reasons women file for divorce.

Believe it or not, one among the prime reasons is time. A major complaint from women is that they can't spend enough time with their spouse. Whether it's as a result of of labor, or time with children, or social activities, sports, etc. Many things take precious time away, and you will not even realize it.

Spend some quality time together once in an exceedingly while. You do not have to travel anywhere, or pay any money. Simply sit down at dinner, or watch TV together. Scan the paper together. Whenever you'll be able to, just relish an instant or two together with your spouse. This is quality time, and it will strengthen the bond between you, even if you don't feel it.

When somebody feels unappreciated, or unloved, it can conjointly lead to wanting a divorce. Usually, when folks get married, they forget to tell their spouse how a lot of they love them. They'll begin to take each other for granted. When somebody starts to feel like they are expected to try to to one thing, they will start to feel unloved.

Tell your spouse that you just appreciate everything they do. Tell them that they are doing a sensible job. That you DO notice what they do. Tell them that you love them, and would like them in your life. Simply by doing this, you'll probably save your marriage.

Sex could not be huge on this list, but affection and intimacy definitely are. When wedding, couples might get too snug with each other. They think that, as a result of they are married, they do not have to show affection for every other. Women need to feel loved. men do, too, although many will not admit it.

Intimacy isn't the identical as sex, though several individuals suppose it is. Intimacy is physical contact. A touch of hands, a hug, a kiss. Each time you show affection, or each time to take a very little step to bring intimacy into your wedding, you will feel it. The bond between you and your spouse can deepen.

Individuals fully want physical contact, with emotional companionship. If your wedding doesn't have these two qualities, then create positive you are doing what you'll to urge them. All it takes could be a very little touch, or some nice words, to show your spouse specifically how abundant you're keen on them.

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How to Balance Work and Romance

Today's busy working world does not always allow time for dating and nurturing relationships and for those looking to find romance it may feel nearly impossible to balance work and love. Fortunately today's singles do have some wonderful options for trying to find the time to have a full personal life while still making a living, though there may be times when tough choices need to be made.

Dating Opportunities:

Once already in a relationship it may be easier to find the time to spend with a partner simply because you either live together or can find the time to work with one anther's schedules. Dating on the other hand can at times be quite difficult when you have a full work load as it often requires spending lots of recreational time just trying to meet new people.

Finding solutions to this problem which will allow you the time you need to pursue new relationships is very important, but as your free time is scarce it may serve you well to find avenues which make it easier to work around your schedule.

* Double dates: Those with limited time may find that combining time for friends and new relationships works very well and feels comfortable. By making use of this group dating style one might also feel like time is not being wasted should the date not go well simply because time was also spent with a friend.

* Computer dating: The world of online matchmaking has opened up an entirely new way to date that makes it easy to work around a busy schedule. By simply taking the time to browse through dating site reviews one can easily find that there are many niches for those who need the type of a new dating site features that revolve around getting to know someone at your own pace.

Many of these communities can also be very useful with online dating advice that provides clear and concise methods for eliminating wasted time making matches that are unlikely to succeed. By making sure that each person you speak with has been chosen as one of the most likely candidates for compatibility you are saving yourself an immeasurable amount of time and you can chat or email those you find interest through the dating websites you've chosen whenever you have the time to devote to your romantic life.

Dating online not only offers a wide variety of matchmaking services which can help you to find those who you are likely to have an interest in, but also provides you with the protection and support you may need when you have questions of a romantic nature. By getting the advice and direction that eliminate time sinks you also stand a better chance of meeting that perfect person to share your life with.

* Speed dating: Another popular method for cutting down on wasted time in the dating world encompasses an idea that there are some basic pieces of information which two people can exchange and quickly know whether or not they would wish to pursue any kind of a relationship. This idea has helped many people cut down on wasted time in the dating world and meet more people in the process.

Making Choices:

For those already in a relationship, or just starting out in one, there will be times when you must keep your wits about you and make difficult choices about how you spend your time. Not only will you need to attend to your career in such a way that you feel you are progressing and devote enough time to relationship so that it too can flourish, but you will also need some time for yourself.

By following a few simple tips you may be able to maintain healthy relationships with your partner, your occupation and yourself.

* Set aside one day per week, or at least month, which you can devote to your partner and spending time together. During this time get away from any practicalities such as bills or housework and merely enjoy one another.

* Stay connected with your partner by taking just a few minutes each day to check in. Swap stories about your work, how you're feeling or just generally catch up. By keeping close and staying involved you will never be so far out of the loop that you begin to injure your romantic relationship.

* Inform your partner about your level of dedication at work and discuss how you both feel about the situation. This may be difficult, but if you cannot come to an agreement about the amount of time and energy you pour into your job there are likely to be problems ahead.

* A little romance or warmth can go a long way and help to keep a relationship feeling fresh and exciting. Now and then take a few minutes to send an ecard, email or text to your partner to let them know that you care and that even during your busy day your thoughts still find them.

* Landmark occasions should not be ignored and if a birthday or event that is important to your partner is approaching make sure that you clear the time to be there for them. If you find it impossible to take the time away, at the very least set another time with your partner that you intend to devote to them and stick to it.

* Never allow yourself to ignore a growing problem through lack of communication. If you begin to feel frustrated or you suspect your partner is take just a little time to sort out the problem before it becomes too deep rooted to fix.

Whether you're looking for a relationship for the first time or dating again after being bogged down at work it is important to know how much you are willing to devote to any form of romance. By letting others know where you stand and staying true to the goals you have set for your time you can enjoy a wonderful balance between your career and the romantic life you cherish.

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What Can Love Create

Dear Loved Ones,

Good Love to you all on this Lovely day. I Love you. Love you. I Love you.

Tools for life.

What Can Love Create?

Love can Create Wholeness within, therefore creating Wholeness without.

Love can behold all conditions to stand tall in the midst of all adversity.

Love can heal Dis-ease. When in a state of dis-comfort and dis-empowerment love can renew and rejuvenate.

Love can and will change the outcome of a relationship. Weather a past experience or a present relationship.

Love can energize. Love can electrify our Souls to freedom.

Love Is. Is Wonderful on all levels.
Unconditional Love is the call of this time.

Love takes Responsibility.

Love Grows. Love Enhances. Love Reveals. Love generates a New.

Love is Power. Love is Care. Love is Forgiveness. Love is Gratitude.

Love is to Be. Love is to Have. Love is to Be. Love is to Understand.

Love is Patience. Love is Compassion. Love is Passion. Love is Honesty.

Love is to Honor. Love is Authenticity. Love is to Listen. Love is to Evolve.
Love is to Love, is to be, is to Love. Love is to Respect.

Love is to be Generous. Love is to Give. Love is to Share. Love is to Receive.

Love is Beauty. Love is to Build. Love is to Gather. Love is to rejoice into Oneness.

Love is two hands Together. Love is many hands Together.

Love is to Look. Love is to look beyond the shadows of the Ego. Love is to look Carefully.

Love is to look at the God within each and every person. Love is to Release all judgments.

Love is to be. Love is to love oneself. Love Is. Love just gets Better and Better.

Love creates Prosperity, Abundance, Opulence and Wealth.

Love creates Health. Love is very Personal. Love is Within. Love is Detached. Love simply Is.

Love is what it Is. And what is, Is so delicious. So special.

So how else can we define or explain Love?
Well Love Unites one with oneself and with others. Love reunites one with God, The Universe and all that there is. Love is Nature. Love is the Trees, the Flowers, the Valleys, the Rivers, the Ocean, the Desert, the Sun, the Moon, the Stars, the Earth, all that is. Love is the Animals. Love is the Birds. Love is in Form and out of Form. Love is.

Love is to Love, is to be and simply accept and move on. Love is in the Present. Love is Inside Now.

What do you love? Whom do you love? Why do you love? How do you love?

Love is to be Creative. Love is to be Peaceful. Love is to be Joyful. Love is to be Calm. Love is to Be.

Oh, how wonderful it is to know that we are all Love in Form. We are all that IS. We are Great. We are just Right. We are Unique. We are part of God and the Universe. We blossom every moment as Love. We change every moment as thought as Love. We are Creators of Love.

I am Grateful to be the presence of Divine Love in this Form and I am grateful to Love you as you are. I Love you. I Love you. I Love you. Bless you. Love is a Blessing and many many Blessings.

Please feel free to share these Insights with all to Create and Unite a world of Love to Heal and Evolve. Remember you always have choice.

May the love and light of God and the whole Universe surround, protect and heal you, your loved ones and the planet earth.

LOVE..............................

With Love, Gratitude and Respect,

Michelle Morovaty

Truly, With God All Things Are Possible

© Copyright 2007 Spirituality Inside and Out, LLC

ABOUT MICHELLE Michelle Morovaty is an Intuitive Spiritual Teacher and Healer. She has healed herself from many challenges including Lupus CNS, a car accident and divorce. She uses her intuition and universal guidance to assist people through the healing process.

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Who Women?

Hello and welcome to my blog. Wan Here. Today I will be talking about women, God's most amazing creation.

Women in my Life:
My experience with women has been that of a bittersweet experience. I mean, growing up in a country like Nigeria (in the "eighties") could be rather hard on a little guy who has no knowledge about girls and their passions. I found out to my surprise that what guys fancy most could be quite irritating to the ladies. For example, a game/sport like soccer. Being one of the better players on the field at the age of ten didn't get me the desired attention from the girls as I thought it would have. Yes the girls cheered and even hugged when I made a goal, but that was where it ends. As I was shy and couldn't keep their interest long enough, other boys (who weren't as good as I was in the game) easily swept them of their feet with their charisma.

So as I grew older, I always find myself stuck to a quick-fix kind of relationships with women. It didn't matter that I was good looking or gently. They always find one problem or the other with me (much as I can say of them). Because of these, I was always on the watch for heartbreakers. I had to find a way to overcome this problem though.

The ladies in my life nevertheless were the best I could have wished for even if I only had their love temporarily. If they ever come across my web log, I hope they know that they meant so much to me and I still love them. Oh Well!!

The Hype About Women
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted to "nice" guys? Of course you have.

Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU. I mean, common what is going on here?

Guys believe me then when I tell you that women could be an enigma of sort. Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them. Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION. An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translates into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month. And guess what? Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men. Now you see where are going with this! That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.

MY ASSERTION ABOUT ALL WOMEN.
Women are like our driving force. We would feel incomplete without them. Every once in a while, (at work, play or anywhere) our minds drift back to our wives, girlfriends, even our date or certain lady we desire. We change our hairstyles, dress code and even our attitudes just to please them. We find ourselves constantly changing because of this that it sort of drives us crazy to an extent.

And we wonder who is in control. In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), we guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission". HORRIBLE idea!! Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER. Don't get me wrong here. You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you. You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.

THE ESSENCE.
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just not interested? What is the rule to please women? The basic rules of dating? What have i been doing wrong all the while and why wasn't I getting dates as I should?
The point is... You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning". Think about it. If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?

QUESTION!!
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT. Well guess what? It's only NATURAL when this happens... That's right, I said NATURAL. When you do these things, you send a clear message: "I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection”. A! HA!

So what I have I done lately?? I made a thorough research on the subject so i can confidently proclaim now that I have found the key. It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling... like I don't know how to meet women... and I might wind up alone. No more worries, no more lonely nights!!!

From my research, I have compiled a comprehensive analysis of what most guys have not been doing right all along to win women to their side. Here are some of the articles on the subject:

BASICS.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone. Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around? If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
Body Language.

Now, since reading a woman's body language is only part of the solution to getting her attention, it is pertinent that men must understand and interpret this signs they give out. And I'm not talking about glaring at a woman so it's obvious, or licking your lips! I'm talking about the teasing, the tantalizing, and the posturing you need to do to show you're worth her time. Of course, you can never know enough about what signal a woman is sending you, or how you need to respond to them. But you can show off your Interest and see how they respond.
Here are proven "Seven Lucky" best ways to show interest:
The confident eye gaze

The "Dale Head Drop"

Smile!

Open body language

Lean in to her

Thumbs in belt

Touch her

Any of these goes a long way in arousing the lady's interest. Now I am no guru of any kind but like I said theses are some of the tested techniques proven over time by experts.
Let's look at each in details:

1. The confident eye gaze
This is how you start your interest. Nothing shows confidence off the bat like meeting a girl's eyes, and KEEPING YOUR STARE. If you see her look down and smile, you know you've made it and the time to approach is now. If she looks away from you but doesn’t smile, give her a shot nonetheless; just the fact that she met your eyes for a second or two shows interest.

2. The Dale Head Drop
So named after the guy who mastered the art of getting women rushing to his side, just with a simple shrug! If you really want to blow away a girl--and show some balls--meet a girl's eyes, then knowingly drop your head to the side, as if to say, "Hey, you know you want me. Come over here and get me!" I've found this to work incredibly well in foreign countries. In the States, the girls tend to be able to see through it a bit more--but it still works!

3. Smile!
It's often overlooked, but nothing communicates happiness, confidence, and interest in a girl all in one like a nice big smile. Show the girl you're in control, show her you're confident, and show her you're a fun guy to be around: brighten the place up with flash of teeth! And if your teeth need work, then get them fixed! It's good not just for your chances of meeting a girl, but also for your health and appearance!

4. Open Body Language
So many guys walk or sit with their arms crossed, their legs close together, and their faces anxious and flat. Stop that! Welcome a girl into your world: Have your arms open and leaned back, your legs open and relaxed, your face warm and inviting. You'll not only attract yourself into a girl's world, but also into the world of people at a party, club, or bar who can help you meet a future girlfriend--or even wife!

5. Lean in to her
As you're talking to a girl, especially while seated, show her your interest with confidence by leaning in closer. You don't want to be a creep, of course, but you can generally tell by a girl's body language and talk how interested she is in you. If things are looking good, show her your control of the situation--and interest in her--by leaning in and generally getting closer to her. Leaning back does the opposite; it shows you're unconfident and not overly interested. Not what you want to communicate.

6. Thumbs in belt
Ever put your thumbs in your belt, with your hands at your hips’ side? This is processed as a sign of being confident in one's sexuality and size. So if you're standing around at a bar or club and want to convey confidence, girls will certainly understand this!

7. Touch her!
Yep, nothing gets you closer to a girl than physical touch. Great conversations and emotional/spiritual chemistry are great, but if you really want to take it to the next level, you'll have to eventually show some balls and touch her. I'm not talking about grabbing her and making out (unless it really is going that well and she's flirting out of control!), but doing little things: brushing your arm by her shoulders, lightly massaging her, leading her by the hand to another location in the place. By making a physical connection, you're giving her a sign loud and clear that you're confident in yourself and interested in her. END OF ANALYSIS

WOMEN AND MATERIALISM
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age. And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things. But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.

What do women want?

The answer isn't easy to come by. There are as many answers as there are types of women: young, old; fat, skinny; talkative, quiet; beautiful...not so beautiful. They all want different things, different men for their different personalities. It's enough to drive a man crazy! We want to know so badly what it is women desire that Hollywood addressed the age-old question with the movie:

“What Women Want”.
 So, surely...there must be something ALL women want?

PERSONALITY TRAITS
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...There are certain qualities every woman can appreciate. And as men, that's what we need to focus on most. Not on what we THINK they want, but on what we can KNOW they want. Maybe we think being 6"5", wealthy, and jacked like a football player is what every woman wants, but (thankfully) it's not. Only certain women want that, and the groupies who only want a millionaire athlete on steroids usually aren't even worth your time. Well, YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.

Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

End of Excerpts

The way to go

I believe that there is other things men can do to better promote their image and get women to love and cherish them. I also believe that with women, it depends on the effort you make to get their attention and keep it on you. But best of all, you do not have to do anything to get a woman to like or respect you. All you need to do is be yourself. Women will love you better for that than being a pretender just to get their attention. When they find out, you are out in the cold. A real woman will love a man for what he is and nothing more.

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The one thing all men want in a woman...

I am a 30-smething, well-educated, reasonably successful man. A pretty good husband and father to boot. Even though I have been happily married to my college sweetheart for nearly ten years, I can't stop thinking about a chance encounter I had with Olga.

Today is the fourth Wednesday. The fourth Wednesday is the day I get my hair cut at the salon. Yes, I am a guy and I get my hair cut at a salon. Ernie, the owner of the salon, is our local "hair stylist to the stars". Ernie's a "dye" man. Celebrities come from all over to have Ernie "return" their hair to its "original" color. I go to Ernie because when he was first starting out he had evening hours that accommodated my work schedule. I have stayed with him more out of habit than anything else.

This story isn't about Ernie. In fact, I only mention Ernie because the ultra hip aura of his new salon seems so strangely juxtaposed against my first meeting with Olga.

Right after leaving the salon (this Wednesday just so happened to be the 3 year anniversary at the new and improved location), I decided to stop for a quick bite to eat on the way back to the office. I ended up in the drive-thru line at a fast food joint. Not the best of fare, but convenient for the drive back to the office.

While waiting to place my order I noticed a woman standing in the drive-thru lane. At first, I was miffed. I mean "what the hell is this lady doing? Is she an idiot? The drive-thru lane is for cars." Her name was Olga. I found this out as soon as I rounded the building towards "window 1".
Nothing to worry about here ladies. Olga was not physically beautiful in any way. Not the way you try to be. She hadn't been young and firm for many years - if ever at all. Yet, truth be told, I can't remember the last time a woman so thoroughly captivated me in the way that Olga did.

Actually, when I pulled around to the side window to pay I nearly hit Olga with my car. She had been leaning on a small shopping cart and almost didn't get out of the way in time. Almost. When she turned to face me I could just tell she had had a hard life. I don't know how old she was but she looked about 75, nearly twice my age. She was slovenly dressed. She was wearing an old, dirty tank top and no bra. This was evident because both of her breasts were exposed for all the world. Her shirt hung loosely from her thin frame betraying the secret that her clothes had not been washed in weeks.

The young girl at "window 1" yelled to Olga. "Olga, stand over to the side and leave the cars alone." Olga dutifully moved to the rear of my car. Olga was not somebody used to fighting back. I stared at Olga. I was unafraid that she would mind...as I said, she was not somebody used to fighting back.

I clumsily opened my wallet to pay for my meal and asked the young girl if I could buy Olga a lunch. "Naw", she said. "That's just Olga. She has a home. She's just not right in the head."
Fate? Luck? Who knows. When I opened my bag I realized that I had been given the wrong food. French fries instead of the onion rings I had ordered. I knocked on "window 2", and told a different girl about the mistake. Instead of exchanging onion rings for French fries she simply gave me the onion rings and told me to keep the fries.

I was still watching Olga in the rear-view mirror...if only to ensure I had time to roll up the window should she come to close. Actually, "gawking" is probably a more apt description. As I pulled away I felt strangely unsettled. Instead of turning right towards the street, I turned left and headed back around the building.

Here was this woman, so thin I can see her ribs...so thin that even her exposed breasts didn't titillate me. And now I have this extra order of French fries.
Even though it was the middle of a busy lunch hour there was a brief "lull" and the drive-thru was empty. By this time Olga had worked her way to the corner of the restaurant. She just kind of stood there.

My mind struggled with this for much longer than I'd like to admit here. An extra order of fries (free fries no less!) almost compelled me to reach out to this old lady. Yet my traditional, Midwestern, conservative background somehow restrained me. I wanted to be compassionate but I also secretly felt like a "nut" for approaching this lady. Would she think I am some kind of pervert? Would I offend her by offering her food....some weird implication that she couldn't take care of herself? Maybe I was crazy. After all, several others had seen her and they didn't feel compelled to intervene. I wondered if I should be more like them.
That scared me...was I already too much like them?
Our hero awakens.

In addition to the onion rings, I had purchased two hamburgers. I took one of the hamburgers and added it to the extra order French fries and drove over to where Olga was standing. I rolled the window down and simply said "I have been given extra food that I won't eat. Would you like it?" She smiled and timidly said "yes". Nothing more...no "thank you"...no "bless you"...just a quiet "yes". I mumbled something to the effect of "God bless you" and drove off.

No good deed goes unpunished. It soon dawned on me that it was nearly 80 degrees out and I had just given this homeless woman (yeah, like I am really going to believe the girl at "window 1" a sandwich and order of salty fries - with nothing to drink.

Hmm? I drove around the corner to a drugstore and bought a large bottle of cold water. I returned to the parking lot but Olga was gone.

I returned to the office but still couldn't shake Olga's memory. She was certainly sad...maybe the saddest person I had ever seen. What must her life have been like to end up like this? What had happened to her? Was she abandoned as a child? Was she brought into this world under the guise of a parental love so full of hope and promise...only to have her parents die when she was a small girl? Was she shuffled between foster homes? Did she just simply get knocked down one too many times? I don't know. I really don't.

For a long while I thought it was her sad state of affairs that kept Olga burning in my mind. But it's not that. It was never that. It was her simple grace in allowing me to help her. She simply said "yes". She had allowed me, for one brief moment, to ride in on a white horse. She was a real-life damsel in distress.

Not so odd, I guess. I have two small daughters at home and they both take after my wife. They're so independent. They convince the world that they can do anything and everything - on their own. Actually, that describes most women I know. I can't even remember the last time I met a woman that was secure enough to admit she could use a little help. And no, fixing the toilet and taking out the trash don't count.

For a brief moment I felt needed in a way that I haven't felt needed in a long time. By most of Society's standards Olga doesn't rate highly. By most traditional measures she barely qualifies as a woman. She's not beautiful. Not glamorous. Not sexy. Not independent. But she made me feel more like a "man" than just about any other woman I have ever met.

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Men in High Heels

While the idea of men in high heels makes most of us cringe or even laugh right aloud, high heels for men are actually in! While most men don't wear high heels that are made for women, more and more men's shoes are being made with a heel, and technically they are high heels! While some men may choose to wear high heels that are made for women, the majority of men don't, but they are still indulging in the high-heeled look that has been appealing to women for years! Men in high heels may be something that makes most of us gasp, but it is becoming more and more common, just look at the feet of the men in your life!

Men in high heels are becoming more common because shoes are becoming important now, even for men. Your average, every day Joe now cares what his shoes look like so much that he will go to a special store and drop more money than he did on his Nike Jordan's in the 1980s. Shoes are in for men, because most men are learning that shoes are part of the overall look, something women have known for years. Style is becoming more and more important, and shoes are a big part of style now, even for men so the high heel rules for both men and women right now.

Because there is this new awareness on the part of men about their shoes, men in high heels simply seem natural. Therefore, they are not stilettos but they are higher heels then men have been wearing in recent history. Dress shoes with a thicker heal, men's shoes with a thicker sole, boots with higher heels and soles, as well as casual boots with a substantial heel are all very popular in men's shoes right now. Of course, these men's high heels don't look feminine at all and because the look is so popular most men don't even notice that the hell is higher than they have been in their shoes in the past. What men do know about these high heels is that they look good with all of their clothes.

We're seeing men in high heels everywhere! Men are wearing these newer high-heeled shoes to the clubs, to work, casually on their days off of work, even to church. The style right now is just the high heel and the chunky sole, so these shoes can be seen just about everywhere that you can think of. The reason that they are being seen so often is that the high-heeled look is very versatile so that men can wear them with business attire, business causal attire, and even casual wear so it does not seem to matter what he is wearing, a man can wear his high-heeled shoes.

This men in high heels phase has been growing over the last several years, but the fashion trend seems to have peaked and is very popular right now. Even the most traditional men are finding these higher heels very sharp looking, so you'll see men in just about every age group taking part in this fashion. It doesn't seem to matter how old or young a man is or what he does for a living, he'll buy the shoes that look good. Many men also feel as though the higher heels are very comfortable, so much so that they wouldn't go back to the lower heels if they were given the chance. The chunkier sole often gives more cushion, especially in the better-made shoes.

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Fusional Love

If one cannot define what is the love in a precise way, if one can only note that the literature and poetry charm us by their periphrases on the love without never giving an account completely of it, that since centuries, if the subject occupies so much our spirits and our intellect, it should not however be forgotten that we should not a priori accept any intellectual representation of the love under pretext which one names, commonly, all and anything under the term “love” and which the latter is often used to justify most contestable of the behaviors.

In this article, we will be interested in a quite particular kind of “love”: fusional love. Often associated the representation of passion in love, this category of love (I will take here to the word love in its direction more general and most indefinite, most social also) offers many psychological dangers of which it can be interesting to realize. Behind the “interesting” term, we could develop this concept of utility, because once involved in a history of fusional love, it is often very difficult for intellect to take again the control of the situation which created a major emotional disorder.


Archetypal images of the love passion
All most all catholic country of tradition, has a relation very particular to the love like have it the other countries of the same tradition. Contrary to the Protestant tradition, the love is placed in the catholic tradition in the forefront of the good, in front of the law. This prevalence in the scale of values explains a tradition of the love in the Latin companies where one also speaks about “love of God”, a tradition which one observes much in literature in particular.

The unconscious Latin collective (and Westerner on the whole in addition, are filled up archetypal images of the love passion, mythical couples with the tragic destinies (Tristan and Iseult, Romeo and Juliette, etc) and traditional stories turning around loves passion. The penal code holds even a special section with the crime personnel which can be seen like a psychological loss of control and to give extenuating circumstances in a judgment for homicide.

The attraction of the literature for these drifts of the feeling in love somewhat masked a reflexion on the love which can be made by means of the psychoanalysis. There is of course no question of believing that the psychoanalysis will be able to explain the love; as a deeply human feeling, it is not very probable that no explanation is sufficient nor even credible logically. Nevertheless the use of certain psychoanalytical methods can be useful, if not to offer a reading of the love, at least to try a reading of the neurotic drifts of the love. In this direction, the subject is still often taboo.
Behind this optics, the question will arise of what being called love is not love insofar as it aims at damaging the psychology of its protagonists. This reflexion will inevitably bring back for us to consider the archetypal images of the love and with exhiber of the completely important nuances of vocabulary compared to the commonly allowed directions of the words love and passion.


Fusional love and love passion
A semantic slip seems to have taken place progressively with time between “love passion” and “fusional love”. We will try to trace contours between the two concepts knowing the danger which such a separation represents. Nevertheless, we will approach in this will of distinction only the point of view of a certain unconscious collective, of an attempt at explanation of the differences rather than in real separation.

The passion love, in the imaginary collective, is often a love of thunderbolt, in which one often finds a component sexual very marked. It is a love of excess, a love neurotic like known as Jung, for whom the thunderbolt is a manifestation of the neurosis, a love which can generate acts of violence between the members of the couples or towards the so-called enemies of this couple.

The love passion is a love which we could describe as nonintellectual, two protagonists being submerged by their attraction one for the other beyond any reason. Is associated this representation of the love passion the tragedy of the couple, either in the destroying drift of the two actors, or in the destroying drift external people. The love passion is regarded as a love of an incredible intensity but one weak lifespan, it is a love of the abandonment of the reflexion. Some share, it is necessary to insist on the positive image that the love passion near the common run of people has. One often dreams of passion, of fear of perhaps being bored, like archetypal dream, joining the myth, making themselves higher than the others in the intensity of lived.

Our intention, by this display of the commonplaces of the unconscious collective, is not to treat image of the love passion, nor to even comment on the vision of the thunderbolt as a neurosis, made by Jung. It is to be interested in the difference between the love passion and the love fusion.
The fusional love is completely different in its structure even if it is often confused with the archetypal images which we have just evoked. Its origin is not an unconditional and nonintellectual attraction towards the person, but lies above all in the will to fill a vacuum and that by means of this fusion in the other. In this direction, the fusional love is often a calmer love, more “intellectual”, representing the other like the means essential to fill the vacuum in oneself. The fusional love is thus a love neurotic.

The love passion was qualified like neurotic on behalf of Jung because of his definition of the neurosis. The neurosis is for him an imbalance between intellect and the feelings. In this direction, when one of the two components of psyche takes supremacy on the other in a durable way and enters in conflict with the other part, there is neurosis. The love passion would be thus a love neurotic due to an excess of “significant” passion and the love fusion a love neurotic due to an excess of intellect.Each type of psychology will have a tendency to make derive its notion of the love in a natural way towards one or the other of these neurotic demonstrations.

Who more is, the reason of re-elected love passion in our Western companies is that this type of love is less intellectual and thus nearer to our Judeo-Christians roots, more immediate, more “naturalness” in what it makes derive the love towards excess from sensitive, towards the possession of psyche whole by passion.The fusional love, on the other hand, is a more discrete but revealing love of a disorder often larger of the personality, insofar as this disorder is durable. This love is often confused with the love passion insofar as during the rupture, it can also start unverifiable accesses of madness (violence's, suicide, etc). Its demonstrations a posteriori are thus close to the demonstrations a priori of the love passion but its structure is very different.


Structure of the fusional love
The fusional love, as we said, comes from a lack which is filled by the other. It is ambiguous to qualify neurotic this established fact, since with the love often the lack of the other is essential. In this direction, a clarification is necessary: the lack of the fusional love is a lack which preexists to the love, it is an individual lack which is an emotional lack with the paces of pit. The roots of this lack are to be sought in the personal past of the person, in particular in the physical and/or psychological absence of the relative of sex opposed during childhood.

A contraries of the love passion, the fusional love is thus asymmetrical whereas the love passion is symmetrical in excess. The part played by the two protagonists is completely different, the first having an emotional internal lack very important to fill and the second of the tendencies natural to want to believe that it can fill it. One will quote in the predispositions which carry out to believe that one can fill the major emotional vacuum of a person the following features:
- the kindness,

- the weakness of character,

- the syndrome of the charming prince,

- the over-estimate of the loved person due to an under valuation of its own value,

- the imbalance of psyche too intellectual and not sensitive enough.

The mechanics of this kind of love is thus a setting in phase of two people for which one has emotional needs to fill and the other thinks of being able to fill them. Once again, I repeat that the quantification of these needs is, in the case of the fusional love, very important and due to other factors that the simple fact of liking. The disorder of psyche of the personality in lack is former to the couple.


The unicity of the love
Very quickly in the life of the couple, the difficulty of the unicity of this love in purely intellectual terms arises. It is a question of being convinced that this love is single and thus to re-sift the archetypal images of the impassioned couples, whereas we saw that this representation was erroneous in the case of the fusional love. Of course, any love is single in what it relates to two people who are they-also single. But behind this single love, the fusional couple tries to position in a competition intellectual with the other couples: it is necessary to manage to make couple what the others do not manage to do. Like any intellectual love, the concept of challenge and perfection emerges quickly in the positioning of the couple towards itself and the external world.

This process leads to a very easy judgment on the external people with the couple and to a raising the moral standard based on the fact that this particular couple is higher than the others by far insofar as it “is welded more” that others. In this direction, this kind of couple is often regarded inventors of the love and not as discoverers of this one, which is completely different, the first being located in a simplistic scale of value at the top of the seconds.

Moreover, the purpose of this setting in prospect for the couple as it is exceptional be to flatter not very stable individual egos: the person in emotional lack finding the means there glorifier “of having built something” while the person little ensured of itself draws from the couple an insurance of loan related to the image that the couple has itself.


The psyche common one
Each one finding in the intellectual representation of the couple its immediate happiness and the means of developing itself will have a tendency natural to cultivate this common representation, to reinforce it, cherish it, with the deifier. This stage is built by means of the integration in this “psyché common” (which is a true closed reference frame) of elements of personalities coming from the two protagonists.The psyche common one is thus a mixture of both psyches given that that this mixture is incomplete compared to each one because it contains only the representation shared of each psyche. This remark very important insofar as, this is structurally psyche common caricature of each one,


The evidence of love
Why does one make vis-à-vis this kind of mechanism? Why moreover seek one answer to this question? There is an answer to this question because the fusional couple is a intellectual couple and thus there is a very intellectual reason with the construction of this psyche common. The reason in is simple. The person having the vacuum to fill cannot rely on the love, because this one is indemonstrable . There is thus need for evidence of love, evidence which is completely useless in the case of the love passion where the love is there and even often too there.

This evidence passes by the establishment of a common reference frame stable and demonstrable. It is necessary that the couple is tangible psychologically, that its reactions are foreseeable and can be associated the love. It should be proven at every moment that the emotional pit must fill.
Necessarily, to arrive at such ends, each one must yield with the domination of psyche common which, as a shared intellectual representation, does not have anything any more human, but is on the contrary cold and abstract construction in which the needs or the characteristics of each one are caricatured.


Loss of personality and confusion of the feelings
To yield with psyche common is a true psychological torture that only people having a developed intellectual side can support for questions of principle (in particular that to have built a perfect couple . To endorse this common personality, it is first of all necessary to deny its intrinsic personality in the name of the love which one carries to the other .

Then, it is necessary to live with this cold and incomplete personality like a dress of ice, therefore to make repression of its feelings and its singularity a permanent state.To endorse a common personality for rational reasons is thus a way necessary towards the characterized neurosis. Let us note that this obligatory psychological punishment is of an extreme violence against oneself and has thus nothing to see with the love. Certain behavioral demonstrations could make laugh if they were not so serious: one is for example, once this common personality entered in us, able to be “certain” (intellectually gets along) knowledge what the other thinks constantly and to answer by the thought of the other when somebody asks us what one one thinks oneself.The fusional love thus leads mechanically to a chronic schizophrenia.


Rupture
The end of the adventure in love fusional cannot be, formally that of only one kind: the abdication of the person having believed to be able to fill the vacuum. In the facts, several types of behaviors can be observed:

- brutal stop of the relationship to a very great difficulty of keeping reports/ratios would be this only normal with the people formerly in fusional love;

- escapes structural of the person who believed capacity to fill the emotional vacuum;

- mental annihilation of the person who is not authorized any more to think by oneself;

- suicide of the one of the two people, either because of a lack of evidence of love, or because of an unbearable psychic presence of this psyche common (psychological vampirism).The person having the emotional lack to fill will be able to develop, in the continuation of her neurosis, an attachment particular to this common personality and to make it live only by making it speak and continuously to develop accesses of chronic schizophrenia, in particular through reproaches with the other not to make what was well for itself, that is to say “to continue to build” on the late couple.

It is necessary to have a very good analyst to manage to bring back these people towards themselves, nature making that, in this case, the complementary personality resulting from the remains from psyche common is always reassuring, like an echo with the past. One will be able only to deplore this established fact and to note that the forces gathered several personalities in the same person are often fights some against the analyst in order to show to him that all is well and that it investigate of dummy roads, and at the bottom, in order to continue to exist in psyche of the patient to refuse the fear of creating a new vacuum while looking after itself.

It is possible that the psychoanalysis is not, for this kind of patients, of any utility and that the analyst sees himself obliged to give up.The other type of actor who believed capacity to fill the vacuum will be able to deal with very important risks of relapse with an attraction for comparable psychologies people in serious emotional lack. The analysis appears to be more useful in this case. It is necessary nevertheless to insist on resistance that one can wait of an intellect which was accustomed to function on a neurotic mode and which will have to take again self-awareness on a normal mode. The fusional love could be, ultimately, a pathology of the intellect which threatens the integrity of the reasoning themselves while using of the systematic repression on the sensitive side.

Conclusion
Under the term of love hide very important dangers, i.e. an underestimation of the psychological dangers related to certain relations and a latent confusion of the feelings due to an ignorance of common psychological pathologies. If it were necessary to give simple qualifiers to the love, we could try the following:

- the love should not draw aside from oneself,

- the love is achievement of oneself with the other,

- the achievement of the other is a joy of the love,

- the love is to feel happy when the other is happy (and not to want its happiness while presupposing to know what good through the is psyche to him common one),

- if there is strong relation in love, there is not control with a named abstract entity couple.To leave the images of a real scene of each individuals, even within the couple, it is what should allow the love. However, often, the love forces the latent features neurotic, underlines them, the door with their apogee. In other words, it is not because it is said that there is love that there is love, it is not because one seeks to be convinced that one knows what is the love that one knows what is the love. Mistrust towards the love which is most beautiful of the things of the life and which can be one of most dangerous.

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Love

 

According to the Encarta Dictionary, love is an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion; a passionate feeling or romantic desire and sexual attraction. Erich Fromm made these comments:

Immature love says: I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'

In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.
Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one's own self.

In the classic book, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm writes that “To be loved, and to love, need courage, the courage to judge certain values as of ultimate concern—and to take the jump and stake everything on these values.”

In Forrest Gump, the movie, Forrest expresses this in the famous line, "Jenny, I may be stupid, but I know what love is."

So what is love?

In my mind, love is a marriage union between souls. It is profound positive feelings actualized in affectionate behaviors toward the love object. Note the Bible passage on love, 1 Corinthians 13.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Though discussing love, this scriptural pericope does not refer to feelings or emotions. Instead, it talks about attitudes, such as patience, and actions, such as not boasting. It describes the result of love. When you love, you are inspired to behave in certain caring ways. For example, if you love your partner, you will be motivated to do everything possible to promote his or her well being. If he or she is unusually weary some night, out of love, you may volunteer to perform a duty that he or she would otherwise be responsible for.

For all intent and purposes, there are three forms of love. The first is the Greek Eros and is used to designate erotic, romantic, physical love. It can be one of the peak pleasures in human experience if not abused and misused.

The Greeks also has a second definition of love, and that is Philia which is where the word philanthropy is derived. Philia means brotherly love. We all know Philadelphia as the city of brotherly love. Philia does not contain romantic love. Philia is the love you and I have for our parents, siblings, friends, family members, and so forth. It does not contain Eros.

The third definition of love is called Agape. Agape means unconditional love for someone. It means loving someone without expecting love in return. Parents can relate to this, especially a mother. Perhaps this may be a difficult concept to comprehend in today's society because this type of love requires sacrifice and selflessness.

Agape is different from both Eros and Philia in that inherent in agape love is an overflowing altruism that seeks nothing in return. The end of agape is not the well-being of the self, but the well-being of the other. It is the type of love that characterized the non-violent philosophies of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi.

In my experience, the one common mistake that many couples make is equating “true” love with Eros love only. Real love, I believe, requires all three types of love. Far too many relationships today are based on one type of love. If your relationship fails to include all three types of love, you may be mixing a recipe for disaster. When the first few years are past, one or two children have entered the scene, daily living becomes more difficult (and believe me, it will); and Eros love loses a little bit of its spice, most people bail out of relationships. So I hope you can appreciate the value of applying all three types of love in your relationship and marriage.

Eros love is essential to every relationship; philia love is equally important, and of course, agape love binds all three.

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