The Concept of Love

"Love" is a term, which serves many functions; so much so that in many instances its usage lacks content. "Love" is a shout heard externally, a banner bandied about, which many people encircle and seek, but whichfew understand. Newspaper headlines continually project "unfounded hate" but never "unfounded love"? What of this love with its meaningful essence and character? And what of those persons who live such a love? On this, we hear nothing. And we may assume that the condition will not change so long as the slogan of love is presented as artificial jargon, rather then as as internal and essential value; or as a cosmetic and habitual motto, rather than as a fulfilling and multi-significant experience.

Thes research paper concerns itself with the concept "love" as it relates to humanity according to the following criteria:

(a its source, (b its character, and finally (c the way to embgody and express it, all according to the perception of Maimonides, may his name be remembered in Righteousness and Blessing. In accordance with the dictum in the Talmud saying, "Torah learning is greater when it leads to action, "let it be His Will that this treatment of the concept will be a steppingstone to achieve love in our thought, speech and actions.

A. THE SOURCE OF LOVE

Chapters 51 and 52 of Section 3 of Maimonides` THE GUIDE TO THE PERPLEXED discuss knowing the Almighty as the source from which the love of G-d, grows. We learn that the source of love is knowing G-d, and to acheeve it one must cling to the spiritual concept that is liarned in the comment, "Didn`t I explain to you that this is the intellect that abounds in us from the Holy One; it is the attachment" which which exists between us and Him? We understand the source of love as the concentration of man`s thought in G-d, or the knowledge of G-d.

Maimonides joins the religious ideal of attaining G-d as the source of love with the philosophic ideal of a life of reflection. True, the purpose of man is reflection, but the purpose of reflection reflects the source of love, the knowledge of G-d. However the fundamental questions are asked: What is love`s explanatin, and what is the meaning of the knowledge of G-d? And how can man, in general, arrive at the source of this knowledge as a prelude to love?

Regarding these questions, it is worthwhile consedering the central chapter of the system of descriptions, THE GUIDE, Section 1, Chapter 54. There, Maimonides relies on Moses, Our Rabbi, and says that he requested two wishes from the Almighty: one, "that He should show him His strength and His truth," that is, that G-d should reveal His might before him; and two, that G-d "should describe Himself to him." On these requests G-d replied to Moses that His might is incomprehensible, and His descriptions are His acts. It is impossible, then, to know G-d from the aspect of His might, although it is possible to know Him from the aspect of His acts. The descriptions of G-d which embody Him to us are discriptions of actions. Thus, all the descriptions of which the Almighty notified Moses were descriptive of actions: merceful, gracious, forbearing. The ways in which Moses requested their knowledge and by which he was notified of them were through awareness of His acts, may His name be blesed. The Sages called these acts "attributes" naming them collectively "The Thirteen Attributes." (XXXIV:6-7)

Knowing G-d as the source of love is even called by the name "the pure thought." This is learned from the words of Maimonides in THE GUIDE, Section, Chapter 21, "That the pure thought, according to it will be love; it is the essential knowledge of G-d Himself." This direct attachment of love to knowledge teaches that the essence of the idea love did not, according to Maimonides, include the psychological eddect and the emotional experience. The source of the love of G-d is practical, thoughtful and not emotional. (See GUIDE,III:54 "`And you will love your G-d with all your heart` means with all of the strength of your heart.") Essentially, Maimonides sought to free the love of G-d from its emotional content and to turn it into a pure achievement. This approach is expressed at the end of THE GUIDE.

B. THE NATURE OF LOVE

The nature of love is purposeful. This is expressed in the fifth chapter o Maimonides` EIGHT CHAPTERS: Man must activate all the strengths of his soul to know... and will place before him at all times one purpose, and it is the attaining of G-d, may He be blessed, according to the ablility of the person to know Him. And he will offer all his acts, movements, strengths and whatever else he has to arrive at this purpose, such that none of his acts will be vain acts, meaning an act that will not lead to this purpose.

Love bears the purposeful nature of similarity to G-d and walking in His path. This assumes the form of love of attainment whose essence is attachment to the love of G-d. Maimonides set forth the decree of Jeremiah, XIX:22-3

Do not praise the wise man for his wisdom and the strong for his strengtyh and the wealthy for understanding and knowing Me that I am The Almighty who does kindness, justice and generosity on earth, in which I delighted in G-d`s address.

Jeremiah does not stop with the words "understanding and knowing Me," and this that did not suffice him for the verse to expain, is that their attacnment alone, may He be blessed, is that which venerates perfection.

The nature of love is also ethical; meaning that attainment of the knowledge of G-d is, in effect, awareness of ethical G-dly characteristics. And furthermore, the purposeful nature, which is in love, is an ethica purpose of the life of man in general. It is knowledge, the knowledge of G-d, though the purpose of this knowledge itself is ethical. Rational perfection os a characteristic of the love of man for G-d, and ethical perfection is a characteristic of the love of G-d for man.

Also, we discover an entirely new picture of Maimonides` thought on man and the nature of man`s love of G-d: Man does not trek towards the love of G-d in a straight line, but in a circular line. The way is that of ethics and knowing G-d, though the path does not end at this point. It returns and is overturned: From knowing G-d there develops a return to the ethical attributes, and the ethical nature of the love of G-d is in the awareness of the G-dly attributed. This means that attaining G-d is essentially attaining His works. Maimonides continues, (GUIDE,III:24) "It is not appropriate to praise only for the attainment of the knowlidge of His ways and His descriptions." His acts being synonymous with His descriptions, we may therefore deduce that we must seek to know His acts in order to perform them. Again, the intention is to replicate the thirteen attributes in order that we may walk in their ways.

But, how is it possible that man will walk in the path of The Almighty? That is, how can man replicate G-d and imitate His deeds? How can we understand this characteristic of love, which is the very fruit of love? To resolve these questions, we must fundamentally distinguish between act and effect. In man, the act results from the spiritual effect, from some creation or quality within the soul, whereas the acts of G-d do not result from a spiritual characteristic or from any essence.

Maimonides stresses this in his discourse on the descriptions of the acts in general saying, (GUIDE, I: 54) "This matter is not one of attributes, but of deeds similar to the acts which come to us from the attributes." That is, the acts of G-d are similar to ours, but there is no comparison in the causes inducing the actions. The acts of G-d do not result from any effect or spiritual characteristic, but they are as if they result from effects. The appellations "graciousness" and "mercy" and "slow to anger" are not understook as G-d loves or pities (or even hates). The understanding is only that the acts resulting from G-d result as if from love, mercy or hate. Now the term replication is understood: This characteristic of love os the walking in the path of G-d, the imitation of His acts. There os no replication from the aspect of effects or spiritual charactersitics. The replication is not in the spiritual realm, but in deeds.

To summarize, the nature of love is intellectual rationalism, an act approaching truth, which is knowledge of G-d; the nature of love is purposedul and reflective, knowing G-d so that we may walk in His ways; and at a certain level, love bears an ethical character.

C. THE WAY TO EMBODY AND EXPRESS LOVE

Theapex of process-reflective devotion is nothing other than reflective exertion toward the awareness o G-d. Reflective awareness is a processs of absorbing a reflective abundance from G-d by means of the active intelligence. This turns the human intelligence into a bridge between G-d and man. This bridge is dependent on man alone, in his intelligence and in his concentration of his thought upon The Almighty. Therefore, in the strengthening of his intellect, man will come to the love of G-d.

This reflection, however, is not only the theoretical, philosophical intelligence; it is also bound to the internal emotion of man. Intelligence, according to Maimonides, (GUIDE,III:51) is not only rationalistic speculation; it includes the sphere of feelings and emotions.

At a certain plateau love no longer remains in anything other than the beloved, and this is termed by Maimonides (Ibid) with the appellation "desire." This love is already planted in the material of the desire in a way that perfects it, leading us to conclude that the true belief is the religion of love.

Man has a purpose, and it is the attainment of G-d. Man will attain G-d through his entire deeds. Moral and ethical conducts serve as a preparation and as a means for this purpose. Man will not arrive at the supreme purpose if he will not control his morality. If he will not restrain his desires, if he will not internally discipline himself, if he will not improve his understanding and will not strengthen his will, he will not arrive at the supreme ethical stratum.

In the YAD HAHAZAKAH, Maimonides explains, "The revered and fearful G-d commands to love and fear Him, as it is written, `and love your G-d, ` and it is also writtten, `The Lord your G-d you will fear. `" How is it possible to both love and fear Him? It is possible at the time when man will observe His acts and His marvelous creations and see in them His wisdom, which has no measure and no end. Maimonides states further, in the MISHNEA TORAH, (Book I, p.36) "The servant from love studies Torah and follows the Commandments and walks in the ways of the wise not cecause of something in the world, and not because he will otherwise see evil, and not in order to inherit good; but he does the truth because it is truth and resultantly ends favorably..." Then, man will love G-d with a great love, overflowing and mighty, such that his soul will be linked to the love of G-d, G-d as a unity, with all his deeds in the name of Heaven for the sake of the attainment of G-d and performance of the Commandments for their sake alone.

CONCLUSION

According to current and classical thought thought, love is an essential need of each and every indinidual, although the nature and purpose of love is sometimes misconstrued. The essential love is the love of G-d, and the way to achiece it is through the intellect. The ultimate effect o this process is the attainment of G-d and the doing of His Commandments. In closing, we cite the "blessing of love" (Recited in the morning prayer service before the SHMA) which, in for man and man`s love for G-d.

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Even If You Are Afraid Of Flirting And Dating

• Are you afraid of being rejected?
• Do you fear getting hurt when being involved with someone?
• Are you scared of saying or doing the wrong thing on a date?
• Do you fear letting go of your freedom as a single?

Well, you're not alone. Sometimes I get the feeling that singles look at dating and flirting as a horror movie. Most people I meet in my job as a love coach are deep down so scared that they start acting weird – and therefore stay single.

To be successful, find true love and live happily ever after, you need to embrace the fear and go for it anyway. Even the bravest of the brave feel fear, but the key to their courage is that they don't fear stop them! They feel the tingling in their bellies and they still do whatever they are afraid of.
Three things singles do out of fear and what you can do to handle it better.

1. You date many at the same time. It gives you a feeling of having a big safety net to fall in if one of the people you are seeing dumps you. But if you deep down assume you will be dumped, that is likely to happen, so expect instead success - and reach success. Dare to focus on one person and do your best. You are much more attractive when you're committed and concentrated on one person.

2. You don't date at all or finish every time it's heating up or they want to meet you irl. This keeps you away from getting the emotions that could be strong both up and down. Stop being such a coward and get out there! You won't find the love of your life in your apartment. Think: “What is the worst thing that can happen? Can I live with that?” And then think: “What is the best thing that can happen? Do I want that?”

3. You find faults in everyone you meet or don't believe in true love. Being bitter and picky keeps you away from true love where you yourself can be judged. Realize there is no such thing as a perfect person. No person will ever be 100 % - not even you... If you're open for 85 % partners you can find a true relationship instead of being single. It is not about taking Second best; it's about choosing to fall in love instead of being alone and waiting.

Other things we also do out of fear: We only date people who are “impossible”, like too young, already married or over seas; we stop having feelings for anyone at all or we scare people away, being clingy and desperate. In short, we sabotage for ourselves when we don´t have faith. But dear single, you should trust love! Fear is a part of life. It's natural to be scared of new things. You put your heart out there, and it could be dangerous so I'm not telling you to stop being scared – I'm telling you to accept the fear and do what you want anyway!

If you keep doing what you do today, you will get what you have today – not more. So loooove the scary parts of dating. Go for even more blind dates - and realise it wasn´t that bad after all! Tell more people you like them! Commit and get involved. Find true love. Feel alive! You will love it.

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Love?

One must understand whether "what is love" can be a question which can be answered? Love cannot be a question. For, if it is a question then an answer should be there. If the answer is there, where is it? This question is ancient and an answer should have been found by now! If the answer has been found, the question would have disappeared. 

But the question still remains, meaning the answer has not been found. If it has not been found as yet, then what is the certainty that it will be found? Maybe the mind can never find the answer! A single answer, which will please all minds, is not possible for each mind has its own ideas of love. Hence a universal answer is an illusion. 

Individual answers are there for love and for this very reason there are arguments about love for each mind will contradict the answer of another mind. This contradiction is normal for each mind lives in a different point in time. Hence "what is love" is an illusionary question, which has no answer!

The word love appears in many contexts: there's maternal love, familial love, romantic love, sexual love, a wider love for fellow humans and religious love for God, to name but a few. Some cultures have ten or more words for different forms of love, and poets and songwriters always find myriad aspects of love to celebrate. 

The science of love is still in its infancy. Yet scientists are beginning to get early insights into the nature and origin of love. We can now look inside human brains to view changing patterns of activity and biochemical changes that take place during love, explore diverse human experiences of love, study how we select mates and woo lovers, and look for the evolutionary roots of love.

 Is there anything universal behind all this diversity? As Pope Benedict recently asked in his first encyclical letter: "Are all the forms of love basically one, so that love, in its many and varied manifestations, is ultimately a single reality?" 

Love represents a range of human emotions and experiences related to the senses of affection and sexual attraction. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

As an abstract concept love usually refers to a strong, ineffable feeling towards another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual. Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

The English word love can have a variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts. Often, other languages use multiple words to express some of the different concepts which English relies mainly on love to encapsulate; one example is the plurality of Greek words for "love". Cultural differences in conceptualizing love thus make it doubly difficult to establish any universal definition.

 Although the nature or essence of love is a subject of frequent debate, different aspects of the word can be clarified by determining what isn't "love". As a general expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of like), love is commonly contrasted with hate (or neutral apathy); as a less sexual and more emotionally intimate form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust; and as an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is commonly contrasted with friendship, though other definitions of the word love may be applied to close friendships in certain contexts. When discussed in the abstract, love usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience felt by a person for another person. Love often involves caring for or identifying with a person or thing, including oneself.

And there are a number of common proverbs regarding love, from Virgil's "Love conquers all" to The Beatles' "All you need is love". Bertrand Russell describes love as a condition of "absolute value", as opposed to relative value. 

Peck maintains that love is a combination of the "concern for the spiritual growth of another", and simple narcissism. In combination, love is an activity, not simply a feeling.

Biological models of love tend to see it as a mammalian drive, similar to hunger or thirst. 

Psychology sees love as more of a social and cultural phenomenon. There are probably elements of truth in both views — certainly love is influenced by hormones, and how people think and behave in love is influenced by their conceptions of love. The conventional view in biology is that there are two major drives in love — sexual attraction and attachment. Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an infant to become attached to its mother. The traditional psychological view sees love as being a combination of companionate love and passionate love. Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal (shortness of breath, rapid heart rate). Companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.

Studies have shown that brain scans of those infatuated by love display a resemblance to those with a mental illness. Love creates activity in the same area of the brain that hunger, thirst, and drug cravings create activity in. New love, therefore, could possibly be more physical than emotional. Over time, this reaction to love mellows, and different areas of the brain are activated, primarily ones involving long-term commitments. To love is so similar to that of drugs because without love, humanity would die out.

How do you define love?

Some say it's mysterious, magical, complex, difficult, imaginary, thought-provoking, inspirational, intuitional, joyous, immeasurable, ecstasy, and undefinable. Perhaps.

In one of Dr. John Gray's audio cassettes he defines love as follows: "Love is a feeling directed at someone who acknowledges their goodness."

On the same cassette, he refers to the definition by M. Scott Peck: "The willful intent to serve the well being of another." 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

My favorite is by Paramahansa Yogananda: "To describe love is very difficult, for the same reason that words cannot fully describe the flavor of an orange. You have to taste the fruit to know its flavor. So with love." 

Love itself is a universal experience. Yet, every individual occurrence - while perhaps bound by a common thread - seems absolutely unique. Love is what love is! To everyone it expresses itself differently. 

love is the answer to "all" questions!

It is important to stand in Love, not fall into it.

Could it be that Love is a story that can never be fully expressed?

Love is a bond or connection between two people that results in trust, intimacy, and an interdependence that enhances both partners. It is the ability and willingness to allow those you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you.

 

Making Love is the highest level and the most loving way we can physically express or demonstrates our love for our love partner. Everyone knows that the sexual experience can be the single most loving, most exciting, most powerful, most exhilarating, most renewing, most energizing, most affirming, most intimate, most uniting, most stress-relieving, most recreative physical experience of which humans are capable. 

When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared they won't Love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only do they still Love you, they Love you even more. 

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. - 

Logic says everything in this world has a cause and an effect. True Love is the only feeling which is its own cause and its own effect. It is something illogical and yet above all logic. I Love her because I Love her, and I Love her so I Love her.

Love is comforting someone in need of Love and having them know that somebody cares. It is looking past imperfections in your partner and seeing the beautiful person inside. True love seeks the happiness and well being of your partner. Love expresses itself in the mutual respect you demonstrate to your partner. 

To demonstrate Love. . . say, "I Love you" - out loud - at least once each day to someone you love. There is magic in these three little words. Saying "I love you" is the most beautiful gift you can give to your partner. These words are the most treasured a person can hear. To be different, say, "I Love you" in a foreign language.

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I LOVE U...

The famous three words we never hear enough of in our life. Throughout our life span we keep looking, waiting and hoping for something to take us, or lead us, to our true love. Have you ever wondered where we can find love?

What really is this word “Love” that we keep repeating to that someone special in our lives? How many times do you tell your partner “I love you”? Do you really mean it, or do you just like to hear yourself speak? Or, is it just being said because it is part of the vocabulary that your partner likes to hear, or that helps make them feel secure about themselves. So what’s love in the first place? What does love mean to you? Where can we find it?

Before looking for answers, we need to establish things ourselves and understand the meaning of the word “LOVE”.

Love, in my point of view, is a flow of energy between two people that can bring awareness of their existence on this plane together, and this helps their relationship, and the harmony between them, to grow. If love is a flow of energy, basically it is not costing you anything so why do we hold ourselves back from truly sharing that love with someone else. Vulnerability, security, or maybe fears prevent us, but how hard are we really trying to achieve “true love”?

Love is already in your own backyard and we seem to have a hard time accepting this. To be able to accept love we need to learn how to give it in the first place. Love already exists in our “being” as humans share the most precious, intimate and secret jewel that is in our soul, our growth, and our spirit.

How much do you love yourself, or accept yourself for who you are? I am not introducing this question in an egoistic or selfish way. The amount of love you attract is really a reflection of the amount you give to others. We mirror what is already in us. You cannot get love from what you don’t have in yourself in the first place. The amount of time and effort you are willing to put into accepting, or inviting, true love to yourself is the same amount you are already accepting or giving to yourself? Are you ready to be in love? Ask yourself this question. Let go of your pride and fears, and invest in yourself. Think about it!

Do not allow one bad relationship to hold you back or stop you from investing in love again. Holding yourself back from loving someone is as equal to, or as important as, attracting love to your own life. We always look to receive love from another person but it is the contrary, you hold your happiness in your own hands. So open your heart and a new love will come and approach you. Don’t go too far to look for that true love. Just start searching for it within yourself!!!

Sometimes it is hard to love ourselves because of different occurrences that have happened to us. We lose our own self-confidence and self-esteem. What I suggest, to renew your confidence in yourself, is a change of attitude. Appreciate yourself first, for who you are. Love yourself for who you are, and NOT for the way people want you to be, in their image. You are who you are, and if someone does not like you for what you are, then they are not the right one for you.

Now again comes the question - do you really mean it when you say to someone that you love him or her? Of course in my opinion, you need to distinguish between real love and infatuation. A person that showers his or her partner with material things or gifts usually has two motives. First, he or she is substituting one thing they can’t offer to their partner (love) and second he or she is hiding something from their partner (finding love somewhere else). Where am I going with this, just to say that love has no value attached to it? Either you give love from your soul or you don’t. Let’s just stop kidding ourselves by living a fancy unreal life. Love has no monetary value attached to it otherwise it would not be love. Love is a flow of energy so how can we place a price on it.

Until you find true love in your own heart, embrace every moment and enjoy your exploration of life and what it can bring to you.

Remember, love someone for who they are and not for the way you want them to be. Appreciate them as human souls. Happy discovery!!

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From Single to Couple

From Single to Couple - The Steps to Commitment

Do you're thinking that it is time that you created the move from single to couple? Are you tired of dating around and prepared to relax? Have you met a great guy, and you want to take the next step with him? Some easy tips will facilitate your go from single to couple while not making the ride too bumpy.

Step 1 - Do not say one issue and do another.
Use caution about what you say in an attempt to please him. You may come across as flaky if you are attempting too exhausting to believe a man, or to go along with everything he wants. You cannot put your own wants and temperament on the shelf so as to be who you're thinking that he desires you to be.

This becomes especially important-and tricky-when it involves sex. Several girls grasp that guys will stick around for a likelihood to urge into bed with a woman. But, if you let him believe that casual sex is pleased with you, and then you get angry when he does not take you seriously, you will mess up your chances.

Step 2 - Take some breathing room.
Pull back a very little bit, particularly in the first stages of a relationship. He will not have a likelihood to miss you if you don't provide him one. If you wish him to wish to earn your attention, you need to let him marvel what else you are up to.

You furthermore may don't wish to lose bit with who you are to go from single to couple. Being during a relationship does not mean let alone your recent life. You would like to remain that wonderful person that you just were when you met.

Step 3 - Make some time along count.
When you're on a date with him, keep in mind to own fun. Don't treat your pursuit of commitment like a serious mission, and lose sight of the explanations you wish to be with him. Just get pleasure from his company, and he will get pleasure from yours.

Creating a commitment could be a terribly huge step. Do not take it lightly, and respect your guy's would like to take his time, too. However when you're feeling prepared to maneuver from single to couple, these hints will help you take that leap.

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Are Online Relationships Healthy? You Be the Judge

Are online relationships healthy?

For one factor an online relationship ought to not really be any completely different to an off line one. There are unwritten laws of common decency that apply to any relationship.
2 single people trying for friendship or love will either undergo the net dating services or Internet chat rooms to have interaction with folks they may like or be suited too. I see no damage during this interaction. It is a great approach for back and lonely people who ordinarily may not request others offline.

Individuals who are divorced or who have come out of a future relationship will really benefit from an on-line relationship as they'll not feel comfortable dating offline yet. It's a great method to urge to understand someone before you meet them in person.When coming back out of one thing sort of a divorce it's often laborious to get back on the dating horse again. Several tight and healthy relationships online have led to marriage thus it's potential to satisfy the person of your dreams
You'll even hook up with an old boyfriend or girlfriend who you have never been able to forget. It might cause a reunion and maybe a commitment. The Web may be a fantastic method to fulfill so many people and enlighten your life.

There's indeed an unhealthy side to on-line relationships. Stalkers and predators do use the chat rooms to hunt out new victims. If you were with a dating service the screening would be way additional thorough as opposed to the chat rooms where a faux identity and photo will lead to some vulnerable folks being totally misled. Their have been horrific assaults and deaths caused by these unsavoury characters who use the chat rooms as their own personal playground.

Are online relationships healthy if it is a married person making an attempt to instigate an affair? So several wives have aired their issues about their husbands stealing valuable family time chatting to different women. A number of these men have retorted they're making new friends but how can you actually recognize if they are in deeper than they say.

I believe if you're taking the same principles you reside by offline you'll be able to apply them to any on-line relationship also. Most folks who get pleasure from what the Internet has to supply treat it with a degree of respect. There will perpetually be those that use its power to entrap the gullible and cheat on their partners. It's up to us all to police the Web by keeping a relentless vigil.

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10 Tips For Relationship Addictions

It may seem like a funny addiction, relationships, who could be addicted to relationships? Well the truth is, more people then you realize. There have been movies made about relationship addictions, think "Fatal Attraction," or "Crush." While they displayed a more extreme version of relationship addictions, none the less, it is a real addiction. So how does a relationship addiction begin? Usually it happens when a person in the relationship believes that they can not live without the other person.

Yes, most people at one point or another have said that they are "so in love" with a person that they "can't live without them" and then the relationship ends and guess what, both people survive, are happy and move on.

A person that is addicted to relationships though is in love with the "appearance" of being in love. They most often have low self esteem, they only feel "whole" when they are with another person that loves them and they are afraid to be alone.

A person that has an addiction to relationships has very low self worth, and they are looking for a person that has a stronger character. They most likely take on traits or habits of their partner.
They are more likely to attach themselves to another person before they ever really get to know that person. If you would are concerned that you are addicted to relationships or are in a relationship with someone that is addicted to relationships, here are a number of questions to consider.

1. Do you become sexually involved with other people before getting to know them?

2. Do you become emotionally attached to other people before getting to know them.

3. Are you afraid of being abandoned or being a lone and this makes you stay in a painful, abusive or destructive relationship?

4. Do you get involved in multiple relationships emotionally and sexually?

5. Do you use controlling behaviors to keep your partner with your so they won't leave you?

6. Do you feel empty even while in a relationship so that you look for other love interest?

7. Do you use sex or emotional involvement to control your partner and get them to do what you want?

8. Do you obsess over the person your involved with or want to be involved with?

9. Do you put unrealistic qualities and characteristics on your mate, believing that they are going to save you from a life of loneliness?

If you have read through those questions and found yourself answering yes to those questions it may be time for you to talk to a professional about a possible relationship addiction.
Valuing yourself enough to be complete on your own will help you find and build a more satisfying relationship.

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Love or Infatuation; Knowing the Difference

She seems to be the perfect one you have been looking for and he also looks like that special one that satisfies your very heart desire. You can’t just get your mind off him and you think she might be a perfect match for you. Nothing seems to matter any longer, she seems so perfect and great an utmost desire of your very act, nothing you say could ever change your love for each other.

But the question is that “how do you know if you're really in love”? It's easy to mistake infatuation for love. Although we always hear that infatuation is a shallow emotion, it's actually quite powerful. Lots of people claim to be in love when in reality they are only being infatuated. We hear words like “I just know he is the one for me”, when asked why, they tend not to give a convincing answer, some ended up saying “I feel it very strongly”. But one thing that these individuals do not take into consideration is that infatuation is also a feeling.

It’s heartbreaking and alarming that most of the relationship that develops overtime end up in frustration and anger. I believe that a proper understanding of what love and infatuation is will prevent you as a youth and single from having a painful love experience in life, and this will help you from hurting yourself and others.

To start with, it will indeed be very helpful if we can define what love and infatuation is, this will give us a simple and laconic understanding of what they entails.

What is Infatuation?
Infatuation is an intense but short-lived and irrational passion for somebody or something. I think this is the simplest definition of infatuation to the best of my knowledge. Now, let’s see what love is.

What is Love?
I must say at this point that defining love might be a little bit difficult, reason being that it is a word of different meaning to different people and circumstance. Wouldn’t you be surprised when a person says he loves his job and few minute later turn to his wife and say “I love you”, you wonder what the difference between the love he’s exhibiting towards his job and the one for his wife is. This is so, because the root word from which our English word Love was translated has levels and categories, but those level and categories was not found in the English. So, that explains the reason why there is confusion in the usage of the word Love.

In a nutshell, Love is a strong unselfish feeling of interest and affection expressed towards an individual. This expression could be casual, plain, intimate, romantic or natural.

It’s very sad today that most youth and singles uses the word “I love you” without even knowing the weight or the implication of the word on the other person. I remembered sometime back, I was actually going to send a text-message to a male friend of mine (because I am a text message freak) and ended with the word “love you”, and I sent this same message a female friend of mine forgetting the ending word. Thereafter, when we got to see each other, I discovered that she was reacting to the text I have earlier sent to her, so I decided to check her phone some few weeks after the whole event, and to my surprise I discovered that the message was still intact in the phone.

Now, let’s take a look at the characteristics of Infatuation and Love, to determine the difference between the two experiences.

CHARACTERISTICS OF INFATUATION
Here are brief features of infatuation, please considered each of these features carefully, if you discovered that you are exhibiting anyone of these features, you can immediately adjust and make correction(s) when necessary.

1. Based on Physical Attraction.
This is the most commonly exhibited traits expressed in infatuation. True love is not only based on physical attraction. An infatuated individual can be attracted to 30 people in a day due to physical attraction. I am not saying that beauty does not count in love, but it’s not the key factor neither is it the ultimate. One thing we need to realize is that physical attraction eventually fails as people get older and age. What count most are your lasting virtues – the inner qualities that you possess as an individual. So, if the reason you are in that relationship is wholly based on physical attraction, you had better think twice and make things right.

Recently, I had an encounter with a young biker on my way to school. I noticed that he displayed a strange gesture at a particular girl while the bike was on motion, so I decided to ask if the girl has offended him earlier, but he said no. Because I was curious to know the reason for his action, I kept on asking and he finally told me the reason. Guess what he said? He said he likes the girl.

Well, there is no problem liking a girl, but his was different. Due to his reaction, I further asked him if he would like to marry her, to that he answered an interesting yes and said something interesting. He said he sees 30 different girls in a day and his attracted to all of them!

To be very sure of what he was saying I asked if like those girl he has been seeing, and he echoed a resounding and an exciting yes. What this young man is saying in essence is that, he falls in love with 30 different girls in a day! That is what infatuation is all about; it gives you a burning but not lasting desire. If you are in the same shoe with this young man, you need to consider your feelings carefully and make sure you are making the right decision.

2. Selfish Aspiration: One of the apparent features of infatuation is the tendency of expressing selfish desire in a relationship. If all you think is what you can get and not give in return, you are likely to be infatuating. Infatuated individuals only think of themselves and nothing more, they do not consider the welfare of the other person.

That explains the reason why every decision made out of an infatuated mind is all about self centeredness and egocentricity. If all your partner is saying or doing is to his favour and does not put you into consideration, then you can be sure that it wasn’t a true love.

3. Always in a rush: One of the prominent features of infatuation is the fact the infatuated individual will always want things to be done in a hurry. One of the reasons why they do this is because they are uncertain of their next moves and feelings, and they felt they are unpredictable. And that is what they truly are, capricious.

For instance, if you are in a relationship and your partner is asking you for sex as a proof of his love for you, it implies that you are not loved but lusted after. One of the reasons why most young people give in to this sex crazy lifestyle is because most of them cannot discern between true love and infatuation. You need to understand that true loves waits and it is patient, it is not in a hurry to do things, especially in the area of sexual intercourse.

Listen ladies, if that guy truly loves you, he will definitely wait for you. But, if he says that he cannot wait, then, that is a sign that he wouldn’t have the time to wait for you in marriage and this is the most devastating aspect of a relationship – not getting along with your partner.

4. Does not last: Another major feature of infatuation is that it does not last. Love on the contrary can stand the test of time, but infatuation cannot. Infatuation tends to be shot lived based on the fact that it a reaction based on peripheral and not from the genuine longing of the heart.

This is most times seen in relationship that evolves among young people of the opposite sex. When a relationship is based on infatuation, the individual seems to be the perfect being on the surface of the earth. Therefore, reality is no where to be found. It is only when infatuation has been fully maximized that the individual will come to the understanding that they are not truly in love. This might be painful at times as one of the infatuated individual suffers the consequence, or at most the two.

Infatuated individuals at the end of their blind love for each other later became the greatest enemy. The hatred and bitterness that follows is always alarming, as one will find it difficult to believe such individuals who seems to be moving along intimately could change in just a twinkling of an eye.

The truth of the matter is that, infatuation, is sporadic in nature, it comes and goes. So, if you discover that you are experiencing such feelings, try as much as possible to control yourself, because you will later discover that those young men or women that you are aphrodisiac about will later be of no interest to you, for some explicable or inexplicable reason(s).

These are the few features of infatuation that you need to watch out for, if you discover that you are exhibiting any of these, please make a quick correction before you regret the relationship.

CHARACTERISITCS OF LOVE
Having check out and examined the features of infatuation, it will be more helpful for us to examine that of Love too, in order to make the difference between the two vivid and clear. Here are the characteristics of true love.

1. Love Respects: This is one powerful aspect of love; it gives respect irrespective of the status, category or condition of the individual.
A relationship that is based on love is one that is full of mutual respect for the member of the opposite sex. This is one major feature that is lacking in infatuation. True love is not possessive and dominating, it gives rooms for the other person to express themselves by sharing their point of view while infatuation does the opposite.

Let me cite an example here for more clarification. If two young people are in a relationship, that is foundational on true love and not mere feelings, they see each other as two different people coming to a term, with the recognition that they are committed to tolerate each other’s perspective on the issue of life.

Love goes beyond mere feelings, true love takes a person the way they are, not the way they want them to be. This is yet another mistake that most young people make in relationship. They are always looking at changing an individual into what I called their Mental Creative Robot. They want the person to become their dreamed personality or robot that has no choice but to yield to their desires, this terribly mistake, please don’t make such.

2. Love Grows: This is an outstanding feature of love. I discovered with the little experience I had about relationship that true love is not spontaneous, but it grows. Most young people are usually deluded with the thought that love is magical and could be out of the blue. This thought in summary is what is known as love at first sight, but the truth is that you can’t love the person you don’t know.

Most young people fail to realize that true love doesn’t jump into conclusion without verification, it is not something that happens abruptly, it takes time for it to develop and grow based on understanding and communication. It baffles me when young people say they are madly in love with someone they have hardly known, not even from Adam. Love is not just a feeling, it is more than that.

I personally discovered with the little experience that I have with individuals that true love is not something that comes boobs; it is a systematic process that takes time to grow. Most people that I have come to love today is as a result of their personality and that is really what makes them beautiful and always good to have around.

Just like so many young people had been deceived to believe in the principle of love at first sight, many youth and singles has been entangled in the trap of this ambiguous feelings and mindset. Many youth through this principle have come to discover that their partner is not really who they taught he was, they were only been deceived and hook winded by their hormones and sensation.

Many youth have confessed to me that it seems they where being under a spell and where controlled by a force beyond their strength and resistance, thereby being a prey of this deadly and heartbreaking experience. Most of the love at first sight experience is borne out of infatuation and not true love. You need to understand that love is tangible and can be measured and evaluated, but not so with infatuation, that explains the reason why most infatuated individuals when asked for the cause of their feelings they tend not to give a substantial reply of what it is all about.

3. Love Gives: This is one outstanding truth that I have come to understand about true love. True love will want to give to other no matter how little it is. This same principle was expressed in one the most popular verse in the bible, John 3: 16 to be precise. It state that God love was demonstration thought the act of giving, it is sure an exceptional qualities that can’t be found in infatuation.

Though this feature is very efficient one, it has been abused and misunderstood especially when used under pretense and deception. You have to be very careful here, for the fact that someone gives and bombard you with gift does not indicate that they love you; some do these to merely take advantage of you. Therefore, how do you get to know that there is an ulterior motive behind such act, it the demands and reactions that accompany such action.

I heard of a case in which a guy who wanted the love of a young girl by all means, trying all he could but with no result decided to use this technique, so as to show the girl that he loves her. He gave her a financial gift and started making demand thereafter thinking that his supposedly act of generosity and care would earn him the girl’s heat. But he was strangely surprised when the reaction he expected were not forthcoming and it seems his hope of getting his selfish desires is being smash against the rock, he decided to make demanded that his financial gift be returned to show that he wasn’t in love with the young girl initially.

You need to be vigilant as a young person, once you discover that a demand is being made based on the gift(s) that you had received, please check out the relationship, it possibly going to be an infatuation and not true love and might likely end with a bitter experience that you couldn’t have ever imagined. But true love gives out of the genuine and unadulterated feelings of passion towards another person for the purpose of making the other person a better individual.

There is a common saying that there is love in sharing, that is exactly what love is all about, it share with others so as to make them experience the same peace, joy, happiness and tranquility that he has. Here is the motto for infatuation there is infatuation in selfish demanding.

With these little explanation, I hope you will be able to discern between true love and infatuation. Stay vibrant and strong.

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