The Gift Of Loving Yourself First

Many loving, naturally-giving people experience an imbalance in their flow of giving and receiving. They give easily; it's receiving from others that's challenging. Unlike those who have difficulty considering others, this message is addressed to those who disregard considering themselves! Disregard for self can be rooted in such beliefs as: "It's selfish for me to be my number one priority." Or "I'm not worthy of receiving what I need and desire", "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not important enough". Others might believe that "To be a good person, I must sacrifice my own needs". I've also heard, "I'm a woman/man; I'm supposed to take care of others and be the nurturer". Do any of these thoughts ring true for you? And what's the real truth?

Although the following is a strong statement, pay attention to how its truth might resonate with you. When we don't love ourselves, we are unable to truly love another. Another way of saying this is how loving we feel toward others is connected to how loving we are of ourselves.

What I have seen is that when we give from a depleted place within ourselves, which is often the case when we don't truly receive, strings can be attached to our generosity. At times, we may actually be giving to others as an indirect way to get our own needs met instead of coming from a purely selfless place. We may need to feel important and valued. Because we're not valuing ourselves, others in our world and our life as a whole may be reflecting that back to us in subtle and not so subtle ways.

Here are some clues to help identify if this describes you:

• Do you strongly react when your needs are ignored even though you realize that you didn't clearly ask for what you want?
• Do you sometimes wonder in those moments of self-honesty - when is it going to be my turn?
• Are there times that you feel overwhelmed from giving?
• Does your body sometimes shout either through a tight jaw or a tense gut that you've had enough?
• Do you often feel hurt or defensive with the people who love you?
• How much pressure is there on those who love you to show you that you are indeed loved?
• Do the important people in your life need to reassure you of their love on an almost day-to-day basis because you can forget?

It's all about receiving, and it has to begin with us. I think back to my experience of being in a counseling group years ago when there was much emphasis on giving one another 'strokes', units of recognition. In this case, the recognition was very focused on the positive. Even though I received so much loving feedback, I realized that I wasn't able to receive it. What I found myself doing was dismissing their words because I didn't really believe them, or I compared what someone else received as a way to take away from my own feedback. I noticed that I started to grow even more dependent on others love, giving them the power to define me. And, of course, as is natural to the human way, sometimes I was wonderful to them; and sometimes I wasn't because I didn't please or say the right thing. What I experienced is how easy it is to get into the habit of looking to others to get one's needs met. What I now know for sure is that it's a trap that can take us away from ourselves. THE essential ingredient to deeply receiving is to be self-loving.

I have learned that when I don't feel loving, loved or connected to others, I need to stop and give myself some loving attention. It's a barometer for me. With the help of my observer, that internal part of me that is able to come from objectivity, I recognize the cues. I then know that I need to sit with myself and reconnect to my own heart's openness and love...toward myself. It makes all the difference. I breathe deeply, I feel grounded, I see through the eyes of love.

One way to address looking to others for love and needing the reassurance that you are loved is to stand in front of a mirror. Tell yourself while you look deeply into your eyes: "I love you. I'll always be here for you. You can feel safe and secure as I am at your side." Check inside of you and talk in a way that you notice the impact of your words at a body level. You relax. You feel grounded. Your heart opens. Then you know that you're deeply receiving the energy of love that you're giving to yourself. Begin your day with this ritual. Notice the impact on how you relate to others throughout the day.

You may have read about the above technique before...and haven't done it. Notice your resistance. I'm reminding you that it's time...right now...to put this simple and powerful technique into practice.

It is so much easier to make changes in your life when you're solidly there for yourself and have a strong internal support system. We look in the wrong places for love...out there, and it's so much an inside job. Begin with your relationship with you. Fall in love with yourself. Take the time to identify your strengths and place your loving focus there. You are worthy of this.
From this loving place, start to notice your impact. You will know how well you are doing in the arena of loving yourself first by what's reflected back to you in the eyes, words and behaviors of others.

Please pass this article onto others who might benefit.

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SEARCHING FOT THE RIGHT PARTNER?

 

Unsure of what the future brings us, young and full of hopes and dreams, we step into the difficult life of dating and relationships without any experience. And then, based only on what we feel, we think the right partner is the person that gives us the biggest thrill, the one that first makes us feel an impossible to fight attraction.
So our first experiences of love are physical, and they can't always be the right choices. Among lots of sad love stories and many more disappointments one can find the right one that makes them complete and safe.
Maybe the word safe turns many hearts away, it may seem wrong to romantic persons, but that is the key that unlock the door to a perfect partner and a perfect relationship.
So, to find the right one we have to look deep inside ourselves and see what our most intimate desires are. We have to know ourselves at the highest level to discover what exactly we expect from others. Once we did that, then we are ready to explore, search the world for the one and if we're lucky we'll find our happiness. The first criterion one must rely on is the heart, of course, because where everything is perfect but there's no love, which is not a relationship, that's a friendship. So find someone you love and start a relationship. Then, after the first weeks when everything is perfect no matter what, the blindness of love will begin to disappear and you be able to see everything that makes your partner what he/she is: all the qualities and all the defects. Putting everything in balance is the key. Here's where the second criteria comes forward, a criteria that must be based on reason: here you must think hard and see if you can live forever maybe with the one you love. Most of the times, when nothing is wrong apparently, people go on and on with meaningless relationships that become a habit more that a love. You must, above everything, never do that mistake cause if you do you'll see the truth too late, when many disappointments changed you and made you more bitter in love.
In conclusion, finding the right partner is easy for everyone that knows hoe to use his/hers hearts and mind as one. If we suffer a little when we give up on a love that makes us sad and angry, we'll be plentifully rewarded when we'll find out we did a right choice and that choice was the one that allowed us to meet and keep the right one next to us.

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