Fusional Love

If one cannot define what is the love in a precise way, if one can only note that the literature and poetry charm us by their periphrases on the love without never giving an account completely of it, that since centuries, if the subject occupies so much our spirits and our intellect, it should not however be forgotten that we should not a priori accept any intellectual representation of the love under pretext which one names, commonly, all and anything under the term “love” and which the latter is often used to justify most contestable of the behaviors.

In this article, we will be interested in a quite particular kind of “love”: fusional love. Often associated the representation of passion in love, this category of love (I will take here to the word love in its direction more general and most indefinite, most social also) offers many psychological dangers of which it can be interesting to realize. Behind the “interesting” term, we could develop this concept of utility, because once involved in a history of fusional love, it is often very difficult for intellect to take again the control of the situation which created a major emotional disorder.


Archetypal images of the love passion
All most all catholic country of tradition, has a relation very particular to the love like have it the other countries of the same tradition. Contrary to the Protestant tradition, the love is placed in the catholic tradition in the forefront of the good, in front of the law. This prevalence in the scale of values explains a tradition of the love in the Latin companies where one also speaks about “love of God”, a tradition which one observes much in literature in particular.

The unconscious Latin collective (and Westerner on the whole in addition, are filled up archetypal images of the love passion, mythical couples with the tragic destinies (Tristan and Iseult, Romeo and Juliette, etc) and traditional stories turning around loves passion. The penal code holds even a special section with the crime personnel which can be seen like a psychological loss of control and to give extenuating circumstances in a judgment for homicide.

The attraction of the literature for these drifts of the feeling in love somewhat masked a reflexion on the love which can be made by means of the psychoanalysis. There is of course no question of believing that the psychoanalysis will be able to explain the love; as a deeply human feeling, it is not very probable that no explanation is sufficient nor even credible logically. Nevertheless the use of certain psychoanalytical methods can be useful, if not to offer a reading of the love, at least to try a reading of the neurotic drifts of the love. In this direction, the subject is still often taboo.
Behind this optics, the question will arise of what being called love is not love insofar as it aims at damaging the psychology of its protagonists. This reflexion will inevitably bring back for us to consider the archetypal images of the love and with exhiber of the completely important nuances of vocabulary compared to the commonly allowed directions of the words love and passion.


Fusional love and love passion
A semantic slip seems to have taken place progressively with time between “love passion” and “fusional love”. We will try to trace contours between the two concepts knowing the danger which such a separation represents. Nevertheless, we will approach in this will of distinction only the point of view of a certain unconscious collective, of an attempt at explanation of the differences rather than in real separation.

The passion love, in the imaginary collective, is often a love of thunderbolt, in which one often finds a component sexual very marked. It is a love of excess, a love neurotic like known as Jung, for whom the thunderbolt is a manifestation of the neurosis, a love which can generate acts of violence between the members of the couples or towards the so-called enemies of this couple.

The love passion is a love which we could describe as nonintellectual, two protagonists being submerged by their attraction one for the other beyond any reason. Is associated this representation of the love passion the tragedy of the couple, either in the destroying drift of the two actors, or in the destroying drift external people. The love passion is regarded as a love of an incredible intensity but one weak lifespan, it is a love of the abandonment of the reflexion. Some share, it is necessary to insist on the positive image that the love passion near the common run of people has. One often dreams of passion, of fear of perhaps being bored, like archetypal dream, joining the myth, making themselves higher than the others in the intensity of lived.

Our intention, by this display of the commonplaces of the unconscious collective, is not to treat image of the love passion, nor to even comment on the vision of the thunderbolt as a neurosis, made by Jung. It is to be interested in the difference between the love passion and the love fusion.
The fusional love is completely different in its structure even if it is often confused with the archetypal images which we have just evoked. Its origin is not an unconditional and nonintellectual attraction towards the person, but lies above all in the will to fill a vacuum and that by means of this fusion in the other. In this direction, the fusional love is often a calmer love, more “intellectual”, representing the other like the means essential to fill the vacuum in oneself. The fusional love is thus a love neurotic.

The love passion was qualified like neurotic on behalf of Jung because of his definition of the neurosis. The neurosis is for him an imbalance between intellect and the feelings. In this direction, when one of the two components of psyche takes supremacy on the other in a durable way and enters in conflict with the other part, there is neurosis. The love passion would be thus a love neurotic due to an excess of “significant” passion and the love fusion a love neurotic due to an excess of intellect.Each type of psychology will have a tendency to make derive its notion of the love in a natural way towards one or the other of these neurotic demonstrations.

Who more is, the reason of re-elected love passion in our Western companies is that this type of love is less intellectual and thus nearer to our Judeo-Christians roots, more immediate, more “naturalness” in what it makes derive the love towards excess from sensitive, towards the possession of psyche whole by passion.The fusional love, on the other hand, is a more discrete but revealing love of a disorder often larger of the personality, insofar as this disorder is durable. This love is often confused with the love passion insofar as during the rupture, it can also start unverifiable accesses of madness (violence's, suicide, etc). Its demonstrations a posteriori are thus close to the demonstrations a priori of the love passion but its structure is very different.


Structure of the fusional love
The fusional love, as we said, comes from a lack which is filled by the other. It is ambiguous to qualify neurotic this established fact, since with the love often the lack of the other is essential. In this direction, a clarification is necessary: the lack of the fusional love is a lack which preexists to the love, it is an individual lack which is an emotional lack with the paces of pit. The roots of this lack are to be sought in the personal past of the person, in particular in the physical and/or psychological absence of the relative of sex opposed during childhood.

A contraries of the love passion, the fusional love is thus asymmetrical whereas the love passion is symmetrical in excess. The part played by the two protagonists is completely different, the first having an emotional internal lack very important to fill and the second of the tendencies natural to want to believe that it can fill it. One will quote in the predispositions which carry out to believe that one can fill the major emotional vacuum of a person the following features:
- the kindness,

- the weakness of character,

- the syndrome of the charming prince,

- the over-estimate of the loved person due to an under valuation of its own value,

- the imbalance of psyche too intellectual and not sensitive enough.

The mechanics of this kind of love is thus a setting in phase of two people for which one has emotional needs to fill and the other thinks of being able to fill them. Once again, I repeat that the quantification of these needs is, in the case of the fusional love, very important and due to other factors that the simple fact of liking. The disorder of psyche of the personality in lack is former to the couple.


The unicity of the love
Very quickly in the life of the couple, the difficulty of the unicity of this love in purely intellectual terms arises. It is a question of being convinced that this love is single and thus to re-sift the archetypal images of the impassioned couples, whereas we saw that this representation was erroneous in the case of the fusional love. Of course, any love is single in what it relates to two people who are they-also single. But behind this single love, the fusional couple tries to position in a competition intellectual with the other couples: it is necessary to manage to make couple what the others do not manage to do. Like any intellectual love, the concept of challenge and perfection emerges quickly in the positioning of the couple towards itself and the external world.

This process leads to a very easy judgment on the external people with the couple and to a raising the moral standard based on the fact that this particular couple is higher than the others by far insofar as it “is welded more” that others. In this direction, this kind of couple is often regarded inventors of the love and not as discoverers of this one, which is completely different, the first being located in a simplistic scale of value at the top of the seconds.

Moreover, the purpose of this setting in prospect for the couple as it is exceptional be to flatter not very stable individual egos: the person in emotional lack finding the means there glorifier “of having built something” while the person little ensured of itself draws from the couple an insurance of loan related to the image that the couple has itself.


The psyche common one
Each one finding in the intellectual representation of the couple its immediate happiness and the means of developing itself will have a tendency natural to cultivate this common representation, to reinforce it, cherish it, with the deifier. This stage is built by means of the integration in this “psyché common” (which is a true closed reference frame) of elements of personalities coming from the two protagonists.The psyche common one is thus a mixture of both psyches given that that this mixture is incomplete compared to each one because it contains only the representation shared of each psyche. This remark very important insofar as, this is structurally psyche common caricature of each one,


The evidence of love
Why does one make vis-à-vis this kind of mechanism? Why moreover seek one answer to this question? There is an answer to this question because the fusional couple is a intellectual couple and thus there is a very intellectual reason with the construction of this psyche common. The reason in is simple. The person having the vacuum to fill cannot rely on the love, because this one is indemonstrable . There is thus need for evidence of love, evidence which is completely useless in the case of the love passion where the love is there and even often too there.

This evidence passes by the establishment of a common reference frame stable and demonstrable. It is necessary that the couple is tangible psychologically, that its reactions are foreseeable and can be associated the love. It should be proven at every moment that the emotional pit must fill.
Necessarily, to arrive at such ends, each one must yield with the domination of psyche common which, as a shared intellectual representation, does not have anything any more human, but is on the contrary cold and abstract construction in which the needs or the characteristics of each one are caricatured.


Loss of personality and confusion of the feelings
To yield with psyche common is a true psychological torture that only people having a developed intellectual side can support for questions of principle (in particular that to have built a perfect couple . To endorse this common personality, it is first of all necessary to deny its intrinsic personality in the name of the love which one carries to the other .

Then, it is necessary to live with this cold and incomplete personality like a dress of ice, therefore to make repression of its feelings and its singularity a permanent state.To endorse a common personality for rational reasons is thus a way necessary towards the characterized neurosis. Let us note that this obligatory psychological punishment is of an extreme violence against oneself and has thus nothing to see with the love. Certain behavioral demonstrations could make laugh if they were not so serious: one is for example, once this common personality entered in us, able to be “certain” (intellectually gets along) knowledge what the other thinks constantly and to answer by the thought of the other when somebody asks us what one one thinks oneself.The fusional love thus leads mechanically to a chronic schizophrenia.


Rupture
The end of the adventure in love fusional cannot be, formally that of only one kind: the abdication of the person having believed to be able to fill the vacuum. In the facts, several types of behaviors can be observed:

- brutal stop of the relationship to a very great difficulty of keeping reports/ratios would be this only normal with the people formerly in fusional love;

- escapes structural of the person who believed capacity to fill the emotional vacuum;

- mental annihilation of the person who is not authorized any more to think by oneself;

- suicide of the one of the two people, either because of a lack of evidence of love, or because of an unbearable psychic presence of this psyche common (psychological vampirism).The person having the emotional lack to fill will be able to develop, in the continuation of her neurosis, an attachment particular to this common personality and to make it live only by making it speak and continuously to develop accesses of chronic schizophrenia, in particular through reproaches with the other not to make what was well for itself, that is to say “to continue to build” on the late couple.

It is necessary to have a very good analyst to manage to bring back these people towards themselves, nature making that, in this case, the complementary personality resulting from the remains from psyche common is always reassuring, like an echo with the past. One will be able only to deplore this established fact and to note that the forces gathered several personalities in the same person are often fights some against the analyst in order to show to him that all is well and that it investigate of dummy roads, and at the bottom, in order to continue to exist in psyche of the patient to refuse the fear of creating a new vacuum while looking after itself.

It is possible that the psychoanalysis is not, for this kind of patients, of any utility and that the analyst sees himself obliged to give up.The other type of actor who believed capacity to fill the vacuum will be able to deal with very important risks of relapse with an attraction for comparable psychologies people in serious emotional lack. The analysis appears to be more useful in this case. It is necessary nevertheless to insist on resistance that one can wait of an intellect which was accustomed to function on a neurotic mode and which will have to take again self-awareness on a normal mode. The fusional love could be, ultimately, a pathology of the intellect which threatens the integrity of the reasoning themselves while using of the systematic repression on the sensitive side.

Conclusion
Under the term of love hide very important dangers, i.e. an underestimation of the psychological dangers related to certain relations and a latent confusion of the feelings due to an ignorance of common psychological pathologies. If it were necessary to give simple qualifiers to the love, we could try the following:

- the love should not draw aside from oneself,

- the love is achievement of oneself with the other,

- the achievement of the other is a joy of the love,

- the love is to feel happy when the other is happy (and not to want its happiness while presupposing to know what good through the is psyche to him common one),

- if there is strong relation in love, there is not control with a named abstract entity couple.To leave the images of a real scene of each individuals, even within the couple, it is what should allow the love. However, often, the love forces the latent features neurotic, underlines them, the door with their apogee. In other words, it is not because it is said that there is love that there is love, it is not because one seeks to be convinced that one knows what is the love that one knows what is the love. Mistrust towards the love which is most beautiful of the things of the life and which can be one of most dangerous.

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Love

 

According to the Encarta Dictionary, love is an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion; a passionate feeling or romantic desire and sexual attraction. Erich Fromm made these comments:

Immature love says: I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'

In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.
Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one's own self.

In the classic book, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm writes that “To be loved, and to love, need courage, the courage to judge certain values as of ultimate concern—and to take the jump and stake everything on these values.”

In Forrest Gump, the movie, Forrest expresses this in the famous line, "Jenny, I may be stupid, but I know what love is."

So what is love?

In my mind, love is a marriage union between souls. It is profound positive feelings actualized in affectionate behaviors toward the love object. Note the Bible passage on love, 1 Corinthians 13.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Though discussing love, this scriptural pericope does not refer to feelings or emotions. Instead, it talks about attitudes, such as patience, and actions, such as not boasting. It describes the result of love. When you love, you are inspired to behave in certain caring ways. For example, if you love your partner, you will be motivated to do everything possible to promote his or her well being. If he or she is unusually weary some night, out of love, you may volunteer to perform a duty that he or she would otherwise be responsible for.

For all intent and purposes, there are three forms of love. The first is the Greek Eros and is used to designate erotic, romantic, physical love. It can be one of the peak pleasures in human experience if not abused and misused.

The Greeks also has a second definition of love, and that is Philia which is where the word philanthropy is derived. Philia means brotherly love. We all know Philadelphia as the city of brotherly love. Philia does not contain romantic love. Philia is the love you and I have for our parents, siblings, friends, family members, and so forth. It does not contain Eros.

The third definition of love is called Agape. Agape means unconditional love for someone. It means loving someone without expecting love in return. Parents can relate to this, especially a mother. Perhaps this may be a difficult concept to comprehend in today's society because this type of love requires sacrifice and selflessness.

Agape is different from both Eros and Philia in that inherent in agape love is an overflowing altruism that seeks nothing in return. The end of agape is not the well-being of the self, but the well-being of the other. It is the type of love that characterized the non-violent philosophies of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi.

In my experience, the one common mistake that many couples make is equating “true” love with Eros love only. Real love, I believe, requires all three types of love. Far too many relationships today are based on one type of love. If your relationship fails to include all three types of love, you may be mixing a recipe for disaster. When the first few years are past, one or two children have entered the scene, daily living becomes more difficult (and believe me, it will); and Eros love loses a little bit of its spice, most people bail out of relationships. So I hope you can appreciate the value of applying all three types of love in your relationship and marriage.

Eros love is essential to every relationship; philia love is equally important, and of course, agape love binds all three.

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Are Men Romantic?

Nancy Kalish, Ph.D. is the author of Lost & Found Lovers, a book about her research on people who go back to lost loves. She has been doing this work for 11 years, and has a web site, www,lostlovers.com, with a discussion board. Now she has completed a new survey of adults who have not tried a reunion with a lost love. Her findings suggest that men may be more "romantic" than women.

We too often define "romantic" in women's terms -- the flowers and cards, saving items and putting them in a scrapbook or listening to romantic songs all day long.The men may not do these things, but they do something more romantic than all that:

Dr. Kalish's survey asked "how long did it take for you to get over your lost love?' The men tended to take longer to get over a lost love than the women. And some of the men were not satisfied with the survey choices.. The last choice listed was, "Over 10 years."Only the men crossed out all the choices and wrote, "I never got over her." While no doubt some women never got over their lost loves either, only the men wrote this comment in the margins.

Adolescent boys are not supposed to cry for a lost love. But many of Dr. Kalish's male participants cried hard, in private, nightly...for months.This is not just a reunion phenomenon. Dr. Kalish is finding the same results in her First Love experience survey - for adults who have never tried a reunion with a lost love. There are significantly more men who chose to answer this survey
than women, and they express strong feelings for their first loves, even though they have not contacted her (and may never do so).

Members of Dr. Kalish's web site, who are permitted to post messages, seem to be more represented by women than men. But Kalish warns that appearances are misleading. There are slightly more men who paid to join than women. The men don't post as often as the women
-- but they are reading!

Men are less likely to initiate leaving their marriages than women, and over the last few years, there is little difference between the number of men who have affairs versus the number of women. As more women entered the workplace, they found the same temptations there.Dr. Kalish also offers private phone consultations. Men more often want to talk to her about their lost loves than
women.

But it is a rare magazine that is pitched to men that will print a story about love and romance. The media think men are uninterested. Not so!

As Valentine's Day approaches, we should all remember that men express themselves differently -- and that does not mean worse than -- women. If women want men to open up, says Kalish, they have to take men on their own terms, not try to make them express their feelings like a woman would.Men may not make scrapbooks of their love experiences, but they are every bit as loving, loyal, and yes, romantic, as women.

You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. Please notify me of your intention to print. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.

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Choosing the Right Watch for Men

When it comes to choosing the right watch for men is the purpose. Why do you want to buy a men's watch? From there, you can determine the features you are looking for in a watch and get a great value out of it.

For one thing, men's watches are very useful in many ways. It is an accessory, a timekeeper, a date tracker, a timer, and so much more. It is undeniable that men would really look for a watch that will serve a lot of purpose to cope with their lifestyle. Furthermore, men would simply make sure that they get a great value of their money.

The best men's watch then would simply be hip, sporty, casual, luxurious, precise, and can last for generations. The question now is, "Is there such watch that has all the mentioned qualities that a watch should have?"

Men's Seiko Watches are created to meet the needs and the preferences of men when it comes to time pieces. These watches are guaranteed to have all the features that men would commonly look for in a watch. Men's Seiko Watches make sure that they meet the demands and lifestyle of men today.

Every Men's Seiko Watch comes with the automatic function that guarantees a lifetime usage because of the mechanism that do not require the use of batteries to make it work. And because of the engineering applied to the Seiko watches, the size would be relatively bigger, making it more hip for men.

Also the external features of Men's Seiko Watches should match the getup of men wherever they are since men are known to be on the go with nothing much accessories to wear but a watch so the design therefore need to be versatile as well. Seiko watches are so stylish that they can be worn at any occasion and avail of the usefulness of such watches anytime. Contributing to such style are the face, the strap, the color and the overall plating of Men's Seiko Watches.

One of the useful features of Men's Seiko Watches are the rotating bezel feature of Men's Seiko Watches gives a difference compared to other watches that make them useful to calculate average speed and distance or for elapsed time tracking. Also, the built-in illumination function can also be seen in some of the Men's Seiko Watches.

Men's Seiko Watches precision in keeping and telling time and date is exemplary, and it amazingly functions automatically. With these features of Men's Seiko Watches plus the affordability it has, Men's Seiko Watches are really the best buy in choosing the best men's watch.

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Tips to Find the Right Loving Man

Finding the right man is not only based on chance and fate but you also have to make a plan to find the man of your dreams. He will not just appear right in front of you. There are things you can do to find the right loving man. In the dating scene now, finding your Mr. Right could be a real challenge if you do not know how.

Here are some tips to find the right loving man for you:
Know what you want and be realistic about it. This is the first thing that you must do. Know what you want and of course you have to be realistic about it.  If you are the type of person who is quiet, conservative and religious, you know what type of man is good for you. If you are the outgoing and adventurous type, then you know what type of man you are looking for. Knowing what you want will make it easier for you to find the right loving man for you. But still you have to be realistic about everything and be open-minded with other possibilities.

Do not limit your selection. Some women have the perfect picture of Mr. Right on their minds and immediately reject those who do not fall into their criteria. It doesn't mean that you will settle for less but it means you have to open the doors to other options and be open-minded. Start looking around you because you might be missing other opportunities to find the right loving man.
Do not be deceived by looks, fame and success. It is a bonus to find a man who has the looks and success that every woman is looking for but it doesn't mean that average looking guys do not deserve your love and attention. There are a lot of women who found happiness and love with a guy that most women won't date. Material things and looks should not be the basis when you want to find the right loving man.

Prepare yourself. Of course you have to be emotionally and physically prepared to meet the man of your dreams. You have to be complete and satisfied as a person to find the right loving man for you. It is easier to find the man of your dreams if you are comfortable and have accepted yourself including your flaws. Loving someone is easier if you know how to love yourself. People including men want to be with someone who is not insecure and satisfied with who she really is. 

Finding the right man is not as hard as you think. Did you know that you can be the woman that men adored? Do you want to understand men and create a lasting relationship with the man you've always wanted?

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Loving Relationships

Are you eager to get your man to make a commitment to you and he's not budging? Have you talked about it, telling him what you want, but he's not caving in? Do you think he'd change his mind if you threatened to leave him? That threat could very well blow up in your face, so before you make that move, ask yourself if you're truly prepared to leave. If not, take a look at this article and see where you might have veered off course.

If you've decided to drop everything you've ever had going on in your life to spend more time with him, you might be putting more strain on the relationship than you realize. Even if he's madly in love with you, time apart is important in virtually all relationships. Think yours is different? Don't just assume this because the idea pleases you. If you're going to be spending every waking moment with him, make sure he's that eager to be with you.

Even so, if a commitment is what you want, time apart could make him miss you and long to be with you even more. Spend enough time apart and he might even wonder what you're up too. Could he be losing you? That'll get him moving.

However, you still need to consider where your relationship is. Have you taken control of everything? Are you as happy as can be because he always lets you have your way? Is this the perfect relationship because you always win an argument?

While you might be seeing this in a positive light, he could be growing weary of your constant need to control, your inability to let him do things his way and your confrontational manner.
If you want him to give up the single life and sign up for a life long commitment with you, you better be sure that time with you is more pleasant than time alone. If not, you might be the one who'll end up alone.

Tending to his needs, making sure he feels happy and fulfilled in the relationship and giving him reason to believe that life with you will always be like this, he'll be more than happy to commit.

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Why is Real Friendship Thus Hard to Find?

The answer to the present question very revolves around what you concentrate on to be 'true friendship.' It is inevitable that you'll meet folks in your life with whom you have got a deep connection, but then ultimately lose contact. Will that mean that they weren't a true friend, or did circumstances drive you apart?
However is real friendship primarily based on contact? Or is it primarily based on dependability; knowing that irrespective of how long it's been, you'll call that person and they'd help you out of a jam.

Others could contemplate real friendship a relationship where they'll make merry, be relaxed and never force conversation.

No matter your definition of real friendship, it's clear that it will usually be exhausting to find, and even tougher to carry onto.
Convenience

This will be a big killer when trying to search out real friendship. Friendships may appear real at the time, only for one or both parties to lose interest once the friendship is no longer convenient. Along with this, you'll meet someone abroad, or at a celebration of a mutual friend and establish a bond; however if you live far apart then this will not necessarily endure, whether or not the affiliation was real at the time, as a result of the correct circumstances don't appear to be their to permit it to flourish.

During a truly international world, folks staying in one place long enough to form a real bond is tougher than you will think. Things and folks modification rapidly and without warning.

Growing Apart
This will be an enormous issue when wondering what people would term 'real friendship.' You will still frequently see the one who was your ally at age 5, but is it a true association still, or are you simply carrying on as a result of that is the way you have continuously been? I am not saying that it is not possible for friendships to endure, however it is additionally possible for them to become a habit.

The Love Factor
This is often particularly, but not solely a drawback for cross gender friendships. Films like 'When Harry Met Sally' exemplify this problem nicely. You'll assume that you've got struck up a deep and meaningful, real friendship with somebody, only to find later on down the road that they'd exactly one reason for interest in you. It's additionally attainable to find that what was a true friendship to start with blossoms solely on one side, ultimately destroying the bond.

Don't Despair
Once all this doom and gloom I would very like to feature a lighter note; it is potential to search out real friendship. Like finding love, you are doing have to depart yourself open and this does let in the nice and so the bad. But, the rewards are thus nice in finding real friendship that it's price the trials. Build time for the new individuals that you simply meet; do not assume that they do not wish to be friends - most individuals are open and nice, irrespective of what you may believe. Be friendly and place yourself out there, and the probabilities are highly in your favour that you may notice the important friendship that will last you a lifetime.

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What Men Are Saying

A fortnight ago, I wrote on what a woman wants to hear from her husband and people accused me that I was being biased. So I have decided to write on what the men are trying to say to their wives.

Over the years, women have historically complained that men don't understand them, many men believe they are the ones who are the most misunderstood whether it is in the work-place, at home or even in the bedroom.

Indeed, many times it is a break-down in communications, disconnection between what a man says or feels and a woman hears or believes that is at the root of infidelity, financial problems, physical abuse, spiritual bankruptcy or any other obstacles that threatens fruitful relationships. Men in particular are in a tough situation because they don't usually express themselves as well as women. Many times when a man keeps things bottled-up inside of him, it gives his lady the go-ahead to define him as she wishes, (giving her) the go-ahead to decide for herself what he likes and dislikes, what emotions he feels, when he feels them, how long he feels them and whether he should ever feel them again. Soon she believes she knows what is best for him. You know women, give them an inch, they take a mile.

The best-kept secret in a man-woman game is that women for the most part are not even close in their assessment of the needs and hopes of their men. In fact, many women don't know the men they have helped to create. They rely on snap sayings and old cliches. they rely on what other women tell them. They don't take the time to talk to their man, to ask him what he wants. Women need to do a lot more listening to men.

So what would a man really like to tell his lady if he felt he had the freedom to do so and if he felt that his honesty would not result in misunderstanding, hurt feelings and ugly arguments?
Every man wants his woman to really understand him. Some relationship experts say many times men bury their true being under a façade of masculinity. Some men believe that women have been a major cause of pent-up feelings that men experience.

A man wants the woman to help him learn how to love her. Loving a woman many times requires training and instructions, which men are afraid to ask for and women assume men should know. To be honest, men do not have the tools to love. Everyone expects you to flip a switch when you enter into a relationship, but it does not work that way. Many have been trained from the time they were little boys to be tough. I do not agree with some women who say men do not have a heart. Men have a heart, but many times they simply do not know how to connect with it. Problem also comes when men are afraid to ask for help.

Many men feel that women have trouble saying good things about them, but have no trouble at all communicating the things they feel are wrong. Every man wants assurances that he is number one in your life. A man wants his woman to acknowledge how hard he works to keep the family housed, fed and clothed. He wants to hear his woman say she feels safe with him and feels that he is a good provider and protector. A man feeds off praises from his woman. But many times he feels like all he gets is criticism.

A man wants his woman to encourage his openness. To be a man means never showing emotions. But while most men won't admit it, what many long to do is to cry, to laugh, to love, to lower their guard and not feel like they have to always be oblivious to the softer side of life. There is only one problem, men believe women will call them weak if they show emotions.

It has been said that there are only five situations in which a man truly feels free to show emotion - during war, while playing sports, during a fight, while intoxicated and at a funeral.
This pent-up emotion is at the root of much of the anxiety, frustration, a general sense of powerlessness a man feels. Many men want to move beyond the superficial nature of some relationships, and into more concrete unions, built on realistic expectations and goals. Many men believe, even when he is doing all that he can, his lady is never satisfied. Women have said men have a white standard of beauty, some men believe women have a white socio-economic standard when it comes to measuring success.

Some men won't admit it, but many feel they cannot win. At one end is the "man" trying to keep him down. At the other end is his woman who cannot understand why he is down. A man sometimes feels like he is running as fast as he can and cannot do anymore. He is afraid to talk about the things that he is doing to keep up and why it seems like he can never get ahead. He needs the support and understanding of his woman.

Everyman wants the woman to be a romantic. Most men feel that in a woman's push to be a career woman, between her business meetings, late nights at the office, she has forgotten what it takes to make a relationship work. One way to keep pep in a man's step is by continuing to add mystery and romance in a relationship. A man wants his woman to wear that perfume that he likes, whisper in his ear, prepare candle light dinners. But nowadays, it seems like romance is a lost art among many women.

A man also wants you to attend to his needs. When he comes home at the end of the day after a hard day's job, he wants a woman who makes it clear that she is glad he is home, just like a woman wants to be pampered, caressed, held tight by her man who loves her for her, so a man wants to be pampered, caressed, held tight and loved, not for the money that he makes or the job that he holds.

He is not looking for an argument when he walks in the door. He is looking for a smile, a hug from his lady, her re-assurance that they are in the battle together, them against the world, and that nothing will ever come between them. A man wants a lady to be more comfortable with her sexuality. Men realize that the pervasive stereotype that women are too hard is just that, a stereotype. Nothing pleases a man more than a woman who knows how to spice up things in the romance department. More than anything else, a man wants a woman who knows how to have a good time, a woman who can be uninhibited at times, experimental at times, playful at times, and carefree at times.

Above all, a man wants the woman to be the ultimate lady. Sure, it is a tough world out there for women. Many of who have to juggle full-time careers and family duties. But is it necessary to bring the dragons layer mentality home with you? Men would like their women to leave their hard edge at the front door and exhibit their soft, feminine side more at home. The "I will whip anyone who gets in my way" mentality that some women possess 24 hours a day is a big turn-off to some men.

So ladies, you now have an idea of what your man has been trying to say to you. So learn to please your man and he will be yours for life.

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